When I think of happiness, the emotions and feelings of love, joy, laughter, fulfillment and that over the moon feeling comes to mind. Many people seem to have the perception that happiness comes from relationships and I’m here to tell you why that’s total bullshit.
What if I told you that you could achieve that same over the moon feeling 100% by yourself? You see, happiness is purely based on your thoughts, feelings and emotions. No one in this world has the power to MAKE you happy. Sure people can assist and do things to add to it, but we have to make the decision to be happy first. Feelings and emotions shift with the wind and if you aren’t firmly rooted, these shifts will have greater impact on you.
Who wants the burden or responsibility of maintaining someone’s happiness? I know I don’t, and I don’t mean that in a malicious way, but there is freedom in knowing that when you both work on keeping yourselves happy, you come into a partnership to share and grow that happiness because your cup is already overflowing. You aren’t dependent on it because your happiness is self made. True happiness is internal and generated 100% by you. There is liberation in knowing that nobody can take my happiness from me and this is what empowers me to be better. There is nothing stopping or preventing true fulfillment. This is where to apply the “You Can’t Pour From An Empty Cup” rule. This way of thinking may intimidate those who need someone to depend on them for happiness and it shouldnt. The best kind of love is the one who WANTS to be there with no bribery or incentives.
This was one of the major lessons I learned. When you avoid certain parts of yourself, it has a way of showing up in other areas of your life. You will keep dealing with the same issues until you address the root cause of why you dont like being alone. A big part of this problem is many people don’t even know what makes them happy. We spend so much time chasing the bag that we dont leave much time for anything else. Balance here is essential, working hard is important but so is making sure you live a life your happy with. You dont want to spend your life seeking meaningless relationships because your unhappy by yourself. If your feeling this way, the best thing to do is explore that. Spend some time alone and learn to love your own company. Sit in that uncomfortable feeling and start exploring the things that interest you and watch your happiness rise. There are no right or wrong answers here, but its for your own enlightenment to heal your wounds so you can grow and move forward.
My hope is that this has inspired someone to look within themselves and make the decision to be happy regardless of their circumstances! Happiness is only a thought away
Self Discovery: How Astrology Can Be Used As A Tool For Self Development and Awareness. Focusing on the sun, rising and moon.
“You can only meet someone as deeply as you have met yourself”
I know astrology isn’t the end all be all and whether you believe in it or not, I think there are still benefits to it. One being that it can be used as a tool for self reflection and awareness while on your self discovery journey. My love for astrology goes back to high school. I enjoyed learning about it but I never fully took it serious because I didn’t meet every quality suited for a Pisces. It wasn’t until I did my full birth chart that I recognized why I always felt the way I did. With us being in Pisces season and my birthday next week, I figured I would dive into how I started my self discovery journey.
A Pisces Sun, Virgo Ascendant and Capricorn moon, it was immediately evident why I didn’t fully connect. I wasn’t looking at the full picture! Yes my sign sun is important, but its only a piece of the puzzle. At my best, my highest self these are the characteristics I may possess and flourish in. But my Capricorn moon will keep me grounded, motivated and determined and my Virgo rising gives me a laid back, reserved, sharp nature. Something like a quiet storm, the underestimated.
The sun sign describes the center of your personality, your motivations, drive and who your learning to become. My sun is in Pisces (19 Feb- 20 March), known as the dreamer who prefers to go with the flow of life. A mutable water sign represented by two fish swimming in opposite directions and the last and final sign of the zodiac. It is represented by both Jupiter and Neptune. Some say we embody traits from all previous signs and that gifts us with innate knowledge but can tends to make us difficult to understand. On the flip side, Pisces empathy, understanding and awareness of others gives us the ability to sense where people are coming from so we can relate to anyone. One fish has the desire to connect with the human experience and the other fish likes to transcend into the spiritual world, swimming in opposite directions which signifies the internal back and forth struggle. For this reason, we get the name of the dreamer and the escapist, often daydreaming into our own reality. The best analogy of Pisces I’ve heard is that Pisces energy is like a hurricane. Its two fish constantly chasing itself, so absorbed into its own thing that nothing else matters. Pisces tend to do a lot of internal work and is constantly thinking, moving or creating. If the Pisces energy can calm itself long enough where someone is able to enter the hurricane during still waters, they can find themselves peacefully there and they will function perfectly in the eye of the storm. But if someone tries to enter while the waters are rough and we are active in that whirlwind energy, there is great potential for others to be hurt. We are the epitome of turning pain into power.
The ascendant sign or rising as its sometimes called represents how you present yourself and respond to the world as well as the kind of experiences needed to make your life meaningful. My ascendant sign is in Virgo, which represents a strong analytical and organized approach to the world. There is a need to be useful and productive and a tendency to be self critical, worry and over analyze things. One of the biggest personality traits is a perfectionist who values organization and order. This can make me meticulous about everything. As a sapiosexual, I am mentally driven and attach more importance on a strong mental connection and good communication. As a lifelong student and teacher, I am very observant and always learning new things, analyzing the world around me and how it all connects. It feeds my curiosity of the complexities we call life.
The moon sign represents your instinctive and emotional nature and to some is the most important sign. My moon is in Capricorn, which describe my energies as responsible, analytical and calculated. Calm and slow to express anger, I am cool, calm and collected. There is usually caution when developing closeness in personal relationships, which I don’t take lightly. I tend to analyze people before getting close to them when I am unsure of their intentions. A traditionalist at heart and somewhat reserved, success and achievements are important to me. I have the tendency to have high expectations for myself and others, specifically when it comes personal development, integrity and authenticity with the commitment to follow through to the end. I am self sufficient and contained and not afraid to put in hard work to reach my goals.
All of this information was correct for me as far as my personality goes, it provided confirmation on many things and the negatives that resonated exposed areas of concern that needs work. This reflective analysis of self requires honesty and accountability of my weaknesses and not just accept them as is because “I’m a Pisces and that’s just how I am” when this is the wrong attitude to have. I used this information as a tool for recognizing the flaws or subconscious behavior withing myself and questioned what can I do to change it.
If one of your weaknesses is being hard on yourself or forgiveness like me for example, try to be more self aware. Start paying more attention to your thoughts and when you catch yourself being critical, stop and change the behavior to a more forgiving tone. Doing it enough sets the routine to healthier habits. This part here is crucial because knowing your imperfections mean nothing if you don’t work on them. We are always a work in progress and every bit of information to help you transcend into a better person is a win.
This is only the tip of the ice berg as far as the birth chart goes. There are so many other signs, factors and placements so there will definitely be more to come on this tool for self discovery. Stay tuned, like and subscribe if my post resonates with you. Here is a link to do your own birth chart!
Good morning and happy hump day! We are half way through the week and almost into Pisces season, today is exactly one month away from my birthday! With Valentine’s day tomorrow, I figured what better time than now to talk about Love Languages. In the season of all things love, gifts and quality time, its good to recognize that we don’t necessarily receive love in the same way. The love languages concept is based on the book “The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” by Gary Chapman. The purpose is to discover how you best give and receive love and to build stronger relationships. The five languages include Acts of Service, Words of affirmation, Receiving gifts, Quality time, and Physical Touch.
The Love languages quiz is a necessary self love and discovery tool to learn your own love language as well as how to best love your husband or wife, children ect.. I always see a huge emphasis on this in regards to personal relationships, but not so much for parent/child relationships. Loving our kids or parents the way they need to be loved is just as important! To love someone isn’t to love them the way we THINK they should be loved. To love someone is to learn all about their individuality and love them in the language they receive it best to be their highest self. Often times, we can rely on our own thoughts and feelings in regards to how we show love and assume that’s how everyone is. How we show love is not always received in the way we intend and that’s why taking the time to learn this is important. To achieve this is to learn your partner’s method of love, study it and master it. I’ll get into which love language I scored highest in as well as the others in the order personal to me. I think I kind of relate to them all to some extent lol, depending on the circumstances. I’m always outside the box, but thats what makes me unique. The link for the quiz is below!
Quality time is the language I scored highest in. I value personal, one-on-one time with my loved one to build and maintain our bond. I feel most loved when someone spends time with me and gives me their undivided attention. Likewise I also express love in the same manner. Intimacy plays a big part here for me, I have particular interest in the man bold enough to really explore my mind and what makes me, me. I like to explore the mind and thoughts of the man I’m with. As a sapiosexual, I am someone who is attracted to the intelligence of a man. I like to dig deeper than surface level discussions about life and everything in-between and get to know the soul inside, not the ego portrayed. Energy is everything to me and will introduce you before you’ve had a chance to open your mouth. I want to sit in your presence and experience the unexplained… something like observing the way you may scan a room before speaking or the constant stares I catch from you out of the corner of my eyes before blushing, your demeanor and tone or that random scent of your cologne. Even down to how comfortable I feel around you and the vibe that I get from our conversations and eye contact. I am very observant, so quality time to gauge chemistry is necessary for me to get a true feel for who I’m with. Its so much to soak in that the digital experience cant match. Not to say phone calls and video chats mean nothing, they definitely are the next best thing as we all have lives to get to. Cancelled dates, distractions and failure to listen are especially hurtful when done repeatedly. As long as the time spent is fulfilling, the want for quality time doesn’t have to be over excessive.
The second love language is Words of Affirmation. This love language focuses on written and verbal expressions of love and affection. I love receiving and giving complements. This one goes hand in hand with intimacy so I have a special place in my heart for words of affirmation. I like hearing how someone may feel about me and random notes of appreciation. I find that this has the ability to change my mood and uplift my spirits and make me want to go harder for my loved ones. Those who identify with this as their primary love language need to hear the words to connect with how they feel about you. On the flip side, insults can have an especially damaging effect. Your partner is not likely to forget hurtful things you’ve said and this will cause issues and can lead to the demise of the relationship. Telling your partner you love and appreciate them can go a very long way.
There is nothing quite like a long, shared embrace with the one you love. The second and third language was almost equal to each other in importance for me. I love bear hugs, cuddling during rainstorms or movies, holding hands, play fighting and other physical displays of affection. For me to fully come out of shell physically, I need the mental and emotional connection made during quality time to be in sync first. Nothing anyone says can be more meaningful than someone reaching out and hugging or touching you. Touch is a nonverbal que to express I love you and I’m here for you without saying a word. Physical contact is the expression of love by giving and receiving pleasure and ensuring sure your partner is satisfied. As with all types, the characteristics to avoid include physical abuse, giving the cold shoulder and avoiding physical contact. These behaviors are destroyers for this love type. Anxiety can arise when one becomes starved for touch and can grow aggravated. Healthy and wanted touch is how those with this love language feels most connected, safe and secure.
Gift giving isn’t always as grand as we tend to think it is. Whether its being surprised with a nice perfume or your favorite candy bar from a store run, we all like knowing we’re thought about. I enjoy edible gifts, but I also value things I can hold on to. These kind of gifts serve as a reminder that I’m always loved and thought about whenever I see it and takes me right back to that moment in time. As much as I love receiving gifts, I also like to surprise my loved ones in the same manner. I love the look on my daughters face when I’ve brought home something she loves. It makes me happy to see her face light up, even with something as simple as a $2 bag of hot fries. Its not about being materialistic or obsessing about the cost behind it. Missed birthdays, anniversaries and thoughtless gifts can cause your partner to feel insignificant, forgotten and unloved. Even if its something as simple as a hand written card or picked flowers, it really is about the thought and intention behind the action.
Acts of service is valued as those who take the initiative to get things done. The key here is to humbly serve and physically help out wherever necessary. Whether that’s doing housework, preparing dinner or maintaining the cars, these are a few examples on how acts of service is shown for this love language. The concept behind this language is to show love by donating your time and effort to easing the burden of responsibility. This language is looking for the action from your words and expect you to mean what you say and say what you mean. Broken commitments, not being dependable and laziness are turn offs and should be avoided. People with this primary love language will feel unloved and unappreciated when their loved ones don’t show a desire to help them keep things in order. Having your partner choose to put their time and energy towards you will make you light up with love and appreciation.
These are all very different expressions of love. Its makes you aware of what your partners needs and triggers are. It can be easy to assume someone doesn’t love you but it could very well be a case of not recognizing and understanding when love is being shown if their language differs from yours. This concept has also helped me to strengthen and better understand my relationships with my family and friends. When building a relationship, I aim for a genuine connection with longevity and this tool is helpful in creating stronger, lasting bonds. Here is the link for the quiz, take it and let me know your results and comments below!
Self Discovery is defined as the process of acquiring insight into one’s own character
One piece of advice that I wish I had very early on in life is that you have to gain a solid sense of self in this world before you do anything else. You have to connect within and know what drives and motivates you. Self discovery is the internal exploration about connecting with your higher self and finding yourself without the influence of family, friends, religion or society.
The purpose for self discovery is breaking down all things that are not of your true self and rebuilding into a stronger, more solid version of you. Our wisdom and knowledge is only useful when shared or applied so put your growth to use! Our existence in this world is much bigger than ourselves and we’re all apart of a bigger picture. The purpose is to find your place in this puzzle of life. Unhealed trauma and suppressed feelings have a tendency to show up in other areas of our life when they are left unaddressed and this will snowball into more problems to fix down the line.
This journey is a difficult one and is often brushed off because a lot of people don’t like reliving painful experiences or revisiting their childhood traumas because it means realizing their behavior and beliefs are be based on it. Too many people go through life pretending about who they really are, wearing the mask of who they think they should be. How can you ever find your true purpose if you aren’t real about your gifts and what makes you unique in this world? This path isn’t an easy road, but its so rewarding and essential to heal for personal growth.
I know there are some who are wondering how exactly do you do this? There are many ways to approach self exploration but the key for me was writing down my strengths, weaknesses, the things I loved and disliked about myself, my motivations, what fueled my fire and what put me out. I made a list of these qualities and spent time with them one by one. I did it this way so that I had a complete inventory of what I needed to work on and where I was starting from. Some areas required more work than others. I thought back to what formed some of my opinions and beliefs and that reflection led me see that many of my negative experiences shaped my behavior and how I approached relationships, friendships and my own relationship with myself.
There is no time table as everyone’s self discovery journey will be different. It usually isn’t until people have grown tired, frustrated, or spiritually drained that one will seek self exploration as a way to change and transform their life. Who are you? This question is the essence of self discovery. Finding who you are at the core without being defined by the roles that you fulfill. You may be a mother or father, employee or business owner, friend ect but that is not WHO you are. I always like to say that I am an old soul with magnetic energy and a heart full of gold. An intellectual mind curious of all of the worlds wonders. A Queen who’s turned her pain into her power. This is who I am
As the end of 2018 gets closer, I took some time to reflect on my major milestone, the year of the big 3-0! Turning 30 made me think back on the decade I was now leaving behind and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. To say I had my share of challenges is an understatement!! But many would never know it. I am such a private person, so my battles were always silent. But these lessons are too valuable not to share. Thinking back on what I would tell my 20 year old self, I decided to write a letter.
You did not recognize your own strength and resiliency! Oh if only I knew then what I know now, things would of been so different. But our journey has no mistakes in the lessons meant for us. I would start off by telling you not to worry so much. Live your life for YOU and find all the things you love, no matter how strange or weird they may be. This is what separates you from others and makes you unique. Be decisive, assertive and stand firm in your boundaries. That man your stressing over will become a distant memory, save your energy. Never sacrifice your happiness for someone else. You deserve to be happy too. Put yourself first but be considerate always. Your peace and happiness is YOUR responsibility, do not take that lightly and protect it often.
Rejection or a direct NO can sting and cause pain when your heart is set on something but this can be a hidden blessing. Sometimes what you THINK you want is the worst for you in the long run. Learn to recognize this as a blessing in disguise! There is always something to be learned from every situation and person we encounter. Continue to be observant and pay attention.
This one here is crucial, DON’T BECOME WHO HURT YOU. Read that line as many times as you need to for it to sink in. Revenge feels nice (evilly satisfying if I’m being honest) but its best to feel it, own it, learn from it and let it go! Don’t avoid this part. Suppressed feelings have a way of manifesting in other areas of your life when ignored. Don’t be afraid to start over, change is good sometimes even when you don’t know the end result right away. As a perfectionist, Chill TF out sometimes and just ride the wave! Everything has a way of working out. Understand what you bring to the table and never be afraid to leave if your taken for granted or unappreciated. There are other tables out here, you can even go a step further and create your own. Never settle and don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to either. There is so much of the world you still haven’t seen, travel travel TRAVEL! Save your sick days for that lol
Focus on your goals and update them often. Let no one distract you from this. Those meant to be in your life will be there regardless, focus more on them than the people you have to fight to stay. If someone wants to leave, open the door for them, wish them well, then get back to your own life. Your friendship is not a revolving door, lock it once closed. There are still people who love and adore you! Silence really is golden and sometimes is the best answer. Easier said than done but can easily be achieved with practice and consistency.
Becoming a mother, a single mother at that is one of the hardest jobs you will ever have, but you’ve done a wonderful job despite everything stacked against you! Your determination is unmatched, you never let anything stop you to include graduating college MAGNA CUM LAUDE. Pat yourself on the back more often, you’ve earned it! Celebrate your own victories the same way you do others. Continue to lead your own path with your morals and principals guiding your way. It may not feel like it, but people do and will notice your authenticity and will love you for it, especially in a world programmed to follow the same trends. Those are the people you need to keep around. Don’t lose what makes you, YOU. Get out of that shell! There is so much more depth to you than people realize, show it off, let good people in and be proud! Own every bit of who you are and keep getting better. Self reflect often.. and make the necessary changes. Don’t make excuses for shitty behavior and decisions. You must take accountability for your yourself, and apologize when necessary. Check your ego, the world owes you nothing.
Last but most importantly, forgive often, but you are under no obligation to keep people in your life! It’s OK to forgive and still cut ties with people who have wronged you. The person who will need your forgiveness the most is YOURSELF… be generous and learn to forgive fully and honestly. It is a good thing to have high expectations of yourself and others but leave room for mistakes. Learning from them is how you will grow ❤
30 IS the new 20 ❤
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