Category Archives: Self Discovery

Authenticity, Self Discovery

Finding Your Fall Hobbies And Why You Need Them

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Its the official beginning of fall and the end of the month is always the time that I reflect and revisit my goals. When I think of what truly defines a person, I take a particular interest in what people tend to do for fun. Hobbies are essential to keeping the essence of who we are alive. Too often we lose ourselves to the roles we fulfill day in and day out. Lets get into exploring why hobbies are important and why you need them.

An activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure.

How you choose to spend your time can tell you a lot about a person and the things that make them unique. Your hobbies are what you gravitate towards when you need to center yourself. Your hobbies are supposed to be your happy place and temporary escape from reality. You need things in your life that occupies your time and gives you genuine happiness. That happiness is supposed to come from you and that can only happen after you’ve become familiar with what you want and need in this world.

Some of my hobbies include reading. I love a good book to get lost in for pleasure and its so good you cant put it down. There were many times I’d complete entire books within two days because I was so into it. My preferred genres of books would include self development, empowerment, cultural and historical, autobiographies, fiction and a Zane book or few.

Travel is near and dear to my heart and the first thing that always comes to mind when it comes to my happiness. There is so much of the world to see. We often spend most of our lives in our communities, not knowing what else is really out there. I have a curious mind, so traveling and experiencing different cultures always intrigued me. There is something really humbling about realizing how small we are in a world full of billions of different kinds of people. I love to soak up culture directly from the source and experience everything that particular area has to offer. The beauty in traveling is the distance is totally up to you. International trips get most of the attention, but checking out new spots in your own backyard can be just as fun. I’m sure there are things around you that you had no idea were there. Something to think about.

I love to cook just as much as I love to eat. Food is definitely life over here. There’s an art to cooking and some of our best memories are made over delicious meals. I don’t know if this is a hobby per say, but I make it my business to try new recipes often and visit new restaurants. I try to get out at least once a week and do something adultish for me. I try to make happy hour or brunch at least once a week and I like to find local businesses to try. Some of my best meals have come from places I’d never even heard of. Cooking is something I’ve done all my life it feels like, so my taste buds are pretty experienced.

As much as I love food, I’m realistic enough to know that I can’t endlessly eat without some kind of counter measures in place. I try to stay active working out 3 to 4 days a week. Some weeks are more successful than others, but its been a pretty consistent part of my life for the last few years. We are only given one body in this world so our life literally depends on its efficiency. Yes I like to binge eat wings and drinks during happy hour, but I also make sure to make up for it in the gym. Balance

I love doing DIY projects around my home. I am one of those people who likes to change things up as the seasons change. Fall wreath, Christmas lights outside, yea that’s me. I’m always open to home decor that catches my eye, but I often found I wasn’t too fond of the pre-made color patterns of decor found in stores. Doing DIY projects gives me full customization options to best suit the look I’m going for. Not to mention the savings in cost. Sometimes my projects include home decor, painting, refurbishing furniture, home repairs and everything else in between.

Speaking of savings, that brings me to my new hobby. Couponing! I am definitely a bargain shopper and prefer to stock up on the things I used at home. 2019 has been a year of a personal goal I call operation financial freedom. I came into this year determined to pay off all of my debt, so couponing and the additional savings were just what I needed. While its efficient, it is time consuming I won’t lie to you. I’m not a super shopper like some of you (kudos to you!) but I do it as necessary as my inventory runs low. This is an excellent way to save and budget your grocery expenses.

Finding your hobbies are a big part to finding what makes you happy

Some of you may remember my post some months back about happiness being an inside job, your happiness is yours alone to fulfill. We have been brainwashed into believing that its someone else’s responsibility to come into our lives and make us happy. I’m sorry, but I don’t wish to give anyone that kind of control over me. I am the creator of my destiny and to walk that destiny is to live each day as the best day you’ve had thus far. Finding your hobbies are a big part to finding what makes you happy. Its exploring the parts of you that you may not of known were there. Self exploration is the best kind of self love.

What are some of your favorite hobbies? Let me know down below!

Empowerment 2019, Self Discovery

A Practical Guide To Goal Planning

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8 Tips For Success

Goal planning kind of sounds like work and may not be at the top of your list of never-ending things to do. Unfortunately an essential part to adulting includes having some type of order and setting goals, if we ever want to achieve anything in life. Goals are the plans we set to master across many different sectors in life. This can include your health and fitness goals, self care and parenting goals or maybe career and financial goals. The options are plentiful whichever you decide, but I’m here to share with you my 8 goal planning tips to success!

  • 1. Think about it. In order to set goals, you first have to know what you want to accomplish in life. Goals are not limited to range or size so while the possibilities are endless its good to keep them realistic. Dream big, but make sure you have a plan to follow through. Some of my current goals include starting my own business, pay off my debt, getting into the best shape of my life and building a portfolio of investments and properties.
  • 2. Write down your goals. To keep things organized, keep a detailed list of what your goals are from most to least important. Then separate them into daily (or weekly), short term (monthly, quarterly, ect), long term (1-10 year plans, retirement) goals. Once I have some kind of structure as to what I want and when, I begin writing. I try to be very specific on what I want and focus on the end result and what how I will feel once I get it. This is a great time to slip in a little manifestation with your thoughts and intentions focused on your future.
  • 3. Strategic Planning. This step is not as intimidating as it sounds. We already know our goals and our timeline so now its time to pull it all together into a plan to make it reality. Since one of my goals is to own properties, my strategic plan would include making sure my finances are in order and if they aren’t, make a plan to get in compliance. That means paying off debt, making sure my credit report is clean and accurate, saving money for down payments and such. This step is doing the necessary ground work to prepare a solid foundation for your goals to grow on.
  • 4. Creating a schedule. Once you have a plan for your goals, you need to set up just exactly how you plan to achieve success. A schedule helps tremendously with time management and keeping you accountable for your progress. This doesn’t mean you have to rush through it, just have something steady in place to keep you consistent but not overwhelmed. My schedule consists of reading a financial management book for one hour a day as well as weekly check ins on my debt reduction plan. I have been aggressively attacking my debt this year and am proud to say I can see the end of the tunnel! Operation financial freedom is near completion!
  • 5. Execution. This is actually the easiest part. Don’t overthink it too much and just start. You’ve done all of the hard work already, this step is just putting that work in motion. Executing your plan means being consistent with the schedule you created, no excuses. As with any new thing, it takes some adjusting to get used to change, but becomes second nature after you’ve been doing it awhile. Download a time management app or set alarms on your phone. Resist the urge to fall back into your comfort zone and keep the momentum going.
  • 6. Find Your Rhythm . Ahh those adjustments you find can sometimes be a real pain. Sometimes we learn through trial and error that pieces of our schedule just doesn’t work or fit correctly. This is exactly why I included this step. Its important to evaluate early on to not waste time with methods that don’t bring you desired results. Tweaks and minor changes are unavoidable for an efficient process, you are supposed to grow and build on your mistakes. These are the growing pains of change but I promise it doesn’t last long. Finding your rhythm is crucial to keeping you motivated throughout the process of working smarter not harder.
  • 7. Accountability . The success or failure of your goals usually tends to fall back on accountability. Its so easy to be motivated to do something new initially, but when that motivation fades and you flat out don’t feel like doing it is when you’ll need that extra push. Some people are more accountable than others but this is where good support system friends and family come in (social media friends count too!). If you need that extra push, share your goals and plans with someone close to you who can help keep you accountable. Its like planting a garden. You can’t prepare the soil, plant your seeds and walk away. You must tend to them consistently until they are big enough to thrive on their own. Same concept applies here.

  • 8. Reflections. Hindsight really is 20/20 and our mistakes are the best teachers if we all ourselves to learn from them. Going back over the things that went really well or really bad is how you grow and get better in life. You may find that your schedule was too stringent and you didn’t require the amount of time you thought you would or that you need a bigger savings and must budget more. That’s a crucial detail in adjusting your schedule and time management, freeing yourself to devote more time to other things. Its all trial and error but don’t let it consume you.

Do you goal plan often? If so, what ‘s your process? I hope you have found my advice to be helpful, let me know your thoughts down below!

Self Discovery, Self-Love

10 Things I’ve Learned Along My Self-Love Journey

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Good afternoon and Happy Thursday! I took a bit of time to myself here recently to disconnect and do some introspective maintenance. I have definitely missed writing, but I needed to reconnect with my vision and where I was going. This journey to self love is a never ending, winding road that can occasionally produce a few bumps. Its all apart of the process! I wanted my blog post to reflect what I was currently doing and how I got here. Here are 10 things I’ve learned along the way.

1-Boundaries Boundaries BOUNDARIES! I had to put the extra emphasis here to imply how important this is. Your boundaries set the stage for what you will and will not allow from your loved ones and strangers alike. Now some of you may be wondering why this matters. Having weak boundaries will wreck havoc on your life because you will always be susceptible to the wants and needs of others, often neglecting your own. Boundaries are there to ensure your needs are met, your space isn’t violated and a show of confidence that you will only entertain respectful and pleasant interactions. A big part of enforcing this is saying what you mean and meaning what you say. You have to be unapologetic and firm if you want to be taken serious. Just as children can pick up when they can get over on their parents, your peers are the same way. If you don’t stand up for yourself, your sending the message that you and your wants don’t really matter. You absolutely matter and should conduct yourself in a way that speaks for you. Be accommodating but don’t let yourself get run over.

2- Be True To Yourself. This one varies by the individual but the message is still the same. Honor yourself by doing the things that resonate with you. Find what makes you happy and keep it close. Many times we play the part to fit in and it might work for a while but you will soon experience a sense of dissatisfaction in your life. We can’t live for other people and we shouldn’t have to endure that prison. Being true to you means saying no sometimes, it means listening to your body and making the best decisions for you despite what others think or say. This means being honest about our feelings and your desires in life. This is about honoring that soul inside that gives us life! Work and family is hard as hell to balance and sometimes responsibilities triumph our immediate wants and as bad as we want to do nothing, we can’t quite do that. I get it and experience this often, but I’ve learned to make up for it in other ways.

3- Regularly Scheduled Me Time! That’s right, this is absolutely necessary! This is how I keep myself happy, balanced and in order. Working hard is the key to success but burnouts are REAL and we don’t talk about them nearly enough. Some of us spend more time working than we do at home so we have to purposely step away and play hard sometimes too. While the amount of free time will vary depending on circumstance, I think we all can agree that getting out of house to unwind can do you a world of good! Whether its a happy hour, massage, brunch, a vacation, shopping or whatever it is you love, make sure to carve out that time just for you. When my daughter was younger, I used to feel guilty about leaving her with babysitters to enjoy myself. I started to notice when I did things to make me happy, I was naturally happier in other parts of my life as well and it tremendously eased the stress I was carrying all week. Find your happy and just do it!

4- Happiness Is An Inside Job! This is something I had to learn the hard way, but when I tell you the lesson stuck, it stuck big time. I’m naturally very observant and the societal norm has been to “find someone who makes you happy and live happily ever after.” This is so incorrect and leads me to wonder if this perception has anything to do with why the divorce rate is so high. The thing about life is we all have free will and putting your happiness in the hands of another is giving away too much control. We all want and desire love, we’re human and made for companionship, but to put the responsibility of your happiness on someone else is selfish and lazy. Only we have the power to decide our moods and temperaments and only we can change them. We mistake the influence others have on our happiness as them “making” us happy and that just isn’t the case. When you finally learn and accept that it all starts with you, I promise your perception will change. You become a force to be reckoned with because you aren’t easily swayed. When your happiness comes from within, no one can rob you of that unless you give the ok to do so. Take your power back!

5- Love Your Own Company! This is pretty self explanatory but I needed to emphasize this! How can you expect someone else to love and be up under you when you don’t love and want to be with yourself? There are many adults wondering through life, jumping from relationship to relationship, losing a piece of themselves with every new encounter. These actions reek of desperation and a fear of being alone. There is nothing to fear when alone, we cannot run from ourselves. I think the root of why people run from themselves is because they don’t want to address the person in the mirror and that’s a huge problem. Learning to love your own company is becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable feelings you may have. Its accepting every bit of yourself, the good and the bad. Its about accountability and owning up to the choices you’ve made in life. Once you reach full acceptance, you will notice that being alone isn’t bad at all. You might end up craving that sacred alone time.

6- Sisterhood Is Important! Your tribe has a huge influence on your vibe. Women are notorious for being catty, but what I see is a rise in sisterhood and I couldn’t be happier. When we can come together, support and uplift one another, we become a strong collective group. Support systems are everything in life and having your soul tribe near is priceless. We are not each others enemies or competition. There is more than enough for us all to get the bag. Everything isn’t a competition and we achieve our goals faster by working together. When we can show genuine love, respect, support and encouragement, we open the door to new potential relationships that can last a lifetime

7- Be Confident In Yourself and Your Journey. No two self love paths are the same. We may share similarities but our purpose is distinctly ours and sometimes it can get very lonely. Ascension and growth isn’t all love and light and it triggers you to break old beliefs. Stand firm in your power and trust the process. What is meant for you will never miss you and we have to learn to take comfort in that. We have to learn to truly be happy for others even when our time hasn’t come. Its easy to feel bitter or discouraged but these are NOT the emotions we want to manifest more of. Fake it til you make it if you have to, but get in the habit of genuinely being happy for those around you. Grateful and thankful feelings are the ingredients to manifesting our desires, it doesn’t hurt to cheer someone else along the way! I often times felt confused, lost, isolated and more walking this path but I didn’t give up and the growth and glow I’ve gained is the fruit of that labor. Seek help or advice if need be. None of us have all the answers. When I put my ego to the side, I humbled myself to seek and learn as much as I could. Nothing worth having comes easy, remember that always and keep going!

8- Your Perception is Your Reality. Isn’t it amazing to think about how two people can be in the same room, witness the same things but have totally different perceptions? Perception is objective because we all have our own and it is fueled by our thoughts. Our thoughts really do control our lives! What you focus on is what you will see more of. Many of us learned these lessons the hard way, but this one was the most profound for me. When you think negative of yourself, it shows and your energy is something that you cannot hide. This is hard to change but its not impossible.

9- Your Health is Your Wealth. This is something we take for granted far too often! We are only given one body in this life, so it makes sense to take care of it. Rising is age and increasing health issues isnt the time to focus on better habits. Making good habits early on increases the likelihood you will keep it up. Our society seems to focus on responding to problems rather than preventing them. There is a lot that goes on that the average person is unaware of, but its our job to be diligent. We all know that the best tasting foods are the absolute worst for us nutritionally and the numerous pesticides and chemicals injected is causing our health to decline. Its a viscous cycle we must break away from, but we have to first acknowledge it exists and have the sustainability to carry through change. If we can prioritize watching our favorite show with undivided attention, we can sacrifice as hour to exercising. Time management and motivation are crucial, you cant just talk about it you have to be about it.

10- Protect Your Peace! If I had to choose a favorite from this list, it would be this one! Peace of mind is priceless and its our job to filter out the bs. Protecting my peace means honoring being true to myself at all times. It means removing myself from people or places that threaten my peace. Basically, its how I keep the energy around me good. I only have control over myself and the energy I emit, and while I cant control others (not that I would want to) I can control your access to me. I was often times a person who never said no, despite my brain screaming the words internally. The things we see on the news, on social media and sometimes right in front of our very eyes are riddled with triggers. This world and the things that go on can easily make the happiest person depressed but that result serves no one. Be observant but heavily filter the information you take in and become familiar with your limits and unplug as necessary. Protect the peace and essence of your reality.

While I feel I could of kept going, this list is a pretty good start at what I still do to maintain myself while growing and learning. There are times that we are the teachers and the students and with an infinite amount of knowledge, that unlikely to change. How has your self love journey been and what has been your most prominent lessons? Let me know down below!

Empowerment 2019, Self Discovery

Happiness Is An Inside Job

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When I think of happiness, the emotions and feelings of love, joy, laughter, fulfillment and that over the moon feeling comes to mind. Many people seem to have the perception that happiness comes from relationships and I’m here to tell you why that’s total bullshit.

What if I told you that you could achieve that same over the moon feeling 100% by yourself? You see, happiness is purely based on your thoughts, feelings and emotions. No one in this world has the power to MAKE you happy. Sure people can assist and do things to add to it, but we have to make the decision to be happy first. Feelings and emotions shift with the wind and if you aren’t firmly rooted, these shifts will have greater impact on you.

Who wants the burden or responsibility of maintaining someone’s happiness? I know I don’t, and I don’t mean that in a malicious way, but there is freedom in knowing that when you both work on keeping yourselves happy, you come into a partnership to share and grow that happiness because your cup is already overflowing. You aren’t dependent on it because your happiness is self made. True happiness is internal and generated 100% by you. There is liberation in knowing that nobody can take my happiness from me and this is what empowers me to be better. There is nothing stopping or preventing true fulfillment. This is where to apply the “You Can’t Pour From An Empty Cup” rule. This way of thinking may intimidate those who need someone to depend on them for happiness and it shouldnt. The best kind of love is the one who WANTS to be there with no bribery or incentives.

This was one of the major lessons I learned. When you avoid certain parts of yourself, it has a way of showing up in other areas of your life. You will keep dealing with the same issues until you address the root cause of why you dont like being alone. A big part of this problem is many people don’t even know what makes them happy. We spend so much time chasing the bag that we dont leave much time for anything else. Balance here is essential, working hard is important but so is making sure you live a life your happy with. You dont want to spend your life seeking meaningless relationships because your unhappy by yourself. If your feeling this way, the best thing to do is explore that. Spend some time alone and learn to love your own company. Sit in that uncomfortable feeling and start exploring the things that interest you and watch your happiness rise. There are no right or wrong answers here, but its for your own enlightenment to heal your wounds so you can grow and move forward.

My hope is that this has inspired someone to look within themselves and make the decision to be happy regardless of their circumstances! Happiness is only a thought away

Self Discovery

astrology and birth charts

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Self Discovery: How Astrology Can Be Used As A Tool For Self Development and Awareness. Focusing on the sun, rising and moon.


“You can only meet someone as deeply as you have met yourself”

I know astrology isn’t the end all be all and whether you believe in it or not, I think there are still benefits to it.  One being that it can be used as a tool for self reflection and awareness while on your self discovery journey.  My love for astrology goes back to high school. I enjoyed learning about it but I never fully took it serious because I didn’t meet every quality suited for a Pisces. It wasn’t until I did my full birth chart that I recognized why I always felt the way I did. With us being in Pisces season and my birthday next week, I figured I would dive into how I started my self discovery journey.

A Pisces Sun, Virgo Ascendant and Capricorn moon, it was immediately evident why I didn’t fully connect. I wasn’t looking at the full picture! Yes my sign sun is important, but its only a piece of the puzzle. At my best, my highest self these are the characteristics I may possess and flourish in. But my Capricorn moon will keep me grounded, motivated and determined and my Virgo rising gives me a laid back, reserved, sharp nature. Something like a quiet storm, the underestimated.

The sun sign describes the center of your personality, your motivations, drive and who your learning to become. My sun is in Pisces (19 Feb- 20 March), known as the dreamer who prefers to go with the flow of life.  A mutable water sign represented by two fish swimming in opposite directions and the last and final sign of the zodiac.  It is represented by both Jupiter and Neptune.  Some say we embody traits from all previous signs and that gifts us with innate knowledge but can tends to make us difficult to understand. On the flip side, Pisces empathy, understanding and awareness of others gives us the ability to sense where people are coming from so we can relate to anyone.  One fish has the desire to connect with the human experience and the other fish likes to transcend into the spiritual world, swimming in opposite directions which signifies the internal back and forth struggle.  For this reason, we get the name of the dreamer and the escapist, often daydreaming into our own reality.  The best analogy of Pisces I’ve heard is that Pisces energy is like a hurricane.  Its two fish constantly chasing itself, so absorbed into its own thing that nothing else matters.  Pisces tend to do a lot of internal work and is constantly thinking, moving or creating.  If the Pisces energy can calm itself long enough where someone is able to enter the hurricane during still waters, they can find themselves peacefully there and they will function perfectly in the eye of the storm.  But if someone tries to enter while the waters are rough and we are active in that whirlwind energy, there is great potential for others to be hurt.  We are the epitome of turning pain into power.

The ascendant sign or rising as its sometimes called represents how you present yourself and respond to the world as well as the kind of experiences needed to make your life meaningful. My ascendant sign is in Virgo, which represents a strong analytical and organized approach to the world.  There is a need to be useful and productive and a tendency to be self critical, worry and over analyze things.  One of the biggest personality traits is a perfectionist who values organization and order. This can make me meticulous about everything. As a sapiosexual, I am mentally driven and attach more importance on a strong mental connection and good communication. As a lifelong student and teacher, I am very observant and always learning new things, analyzing the world around me and how it all connects. It feeds my curiosity of the complexities we call life.

The moon sign represents your instinctive and emotional nature and to some is the most important sign.  My moon is in Capricorn, which describe my energies as responsible, analytical and calculated. Calm and slow to express anger, I am cool, calm and collected. There is usually caution when developing closeness in personal relationships, which I don’t take lightly. I tend to analyze people before getting close to them when I am unsure of their intentions.  A traditionalist at heart and somewhat reserved, success and achievements are important to me.  I have the tendency to have high expectations for myself and others, specifically when it comes personal development, integrity and authenticity with the commitment to follow through to the end.  I am self sufficient and contained and not afraid to put in hard work to reach my goals.

All of this information was correct for me as far as my personality goes, it provided confirmation on many things and the negatives that resonated exposed areas of concern that needs work.  This reflective analysis of self requires honesty and accountability of my weaknesses and not just accept them as is because “I’m a Pisces and that’s just how I am” when this is the wrong attitude to have.  I used this information as a tool for recognizing the flaws or subconscious behavior withing myself and questioned what can I do to change it.

If one of your weaknesses is being hard on yourself or forgiveness like me for example, try to be more self aware. Start paying more attention to your thoughts and when you catch yourself being critical, stop and change the behavior to a more forgiving tone. Doing it enough sets the routine to healthier habits.  This part here is crucial because knowing your imperfections mean nothing if you don’t work on them.  We are always a work in progress and every bit of information to help you transcend into a better person is a win.

This is only the tip of the ice berg as far as the birth chart goes. There are so many other signs, factors and placements so there will definitely be more to come on this tool for self discovery. Stay tuned, like and subscribe if my post resonates with you. Here is a link to do your own birth chart!

https://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php

How has astrology made a difference in your life? Let me know below!

Self Discovery, Self-Love

Love Languages

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Good morning and happy hump day! We are half way through the week and almost into Pisces season, today is exactly one month away from my birthday! With Valentine’s day tomorrow, I figured what better time than now to talk about Love Languages. In the season of all things love, gifts and quality time, its good to recognize that we don’t necessarily receive love in the same way. The love languages concept is based on the book “The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” by Gary Chapman. The purpose is to discover how you best give and receive love and to build stronger relationships. The five languages include Acts of Service, Words of affirmation, Receiving gifts, Quality time, and Physical Touch.

The Love languages quiz is a necessary self love and discovery tool to learn your own love language as well as how to best love your husband or wife, children ect.. I always see a huge emphasis on this in regards to personal relationships, but not so much for parent/child relationships. Loving our kids or parents the way they need to be loved is just as important! To love someone isn’t to love them the way we THINK they should be loved. To love someone is to learn all about their individuality and love them in the language they receive it best to be their highest self. Often times, we can rely on our own thoughts and feelings in regards to how we show love and assume that’s how everyone is. How we show love is not always received in the way we intend and that’s why taking the time to learn this is important. To achieve this is to learn your partner’s method of love, study it and master it. I’ll get into which love language I scored highest in as well as the others in the order personal to me. I think I kind of relate to them all to some extent lol, depending on the circumstances. I’m always outside the box, but thats what makes me unique. The link for the quiz is below!

Quality time is the language I scored highest in. I value personal, one-on-one time with my loved one to build and maintain our bond. I feel most loved when someone spends time with me and gives me their undivided attention. Likewise I also express love in the same manner. Intimacy plays a big part here for me, I have particular interest in the man bold enough to really explore my mind and what makes me, me. I like to explore the mind and thoughts of the man I’m with. As a sapiosexual, I am someone who is attracted to the intelligence of a man. I like to dig deeper than surface level discussions about life and everything in-between and get to know the soul inside, not the ego portrayed. Energy is everything to me and will introduce you before you’ve had a chance to open your mouth. I want to sit in your presence and experience the unexplained… something like observing the way you may scan a room before speaking or the constant stares I catch from you out of the corner of my eyes before blushing, your demeanor and tone or that random scent of your cologne. Even down to how comfortable I feel around you and the vibe that I get from our conversations and eye contact. I am very observant, so quality time to gauge chemistry is necessary for me to get a true feel for who I’m with. Its so much to soak in that the digital experience cant match. Not to say phone calls and video chats mean nothing, they definitely are the next best thing as we all have lives to get to. Cancelled dates, distractions and failure to listen are especially hurtful when done repeatedly. As long as the time spent is fulfilling, the want for quality time doesn’t have to be over excessive.

The second love language is Words of Affirmation. This love language focuses on written and verbal expressions of love and affection. I love receiving and giving complements. This one goes hand in hand with intimacy so I have a special place in my heart for words of affirmation. I like hearing how someone may feel about me and random notes of appreciation. I find that this has the ability to change my mood and uplift my spirits and make me want to go harder for my loved ones. Those who identify with this as their primary love language need to hear the words to connect with how they feel about you. On the flip side, insults can have an especially damaging effect. Your partner is not likely to forget hurtful things you’ve said and this will cause issues and can lead to the demise of the relationship. Telling your partner you love and appreciate them can go a very long way.

There is nothing quite like a long, shared embrace with the one you love. The second and third language was almost equal to each other in importance for me. I love bear hugs, cuddling during rainstorms or movies, holding hands, play fighting and other physical displays of affection. For me to fully come out of shell physically, I need the mental and emotional connection made during quality time to be in sync first. Nothing anyone says can be more meaningful than someone reaching out and hugging or touching you. Touch is a nonverbal que to express I love you and I’m here for you without saying a word. Physical contact is the expression of love by giving and receiving pleasure and ensuring sure your partner is satisfied. As with all types, the characteristics to avoid include physical abuse, giving the cold shoulder and avoiding physical contact. These behaviors are destroyers for this love type. Anxiety can arise when one becomes starved for touch and can grow aggravated. Healthy and wanted touch is how those with this love language feels most connected, safe and secure.

Gift giving isn’t always as grand as we tend to think it is. Whether its being surprised with a nice perfume or your favorite candy bar from a store run, we all like knowing we’re thought about. I enjoy edible gifts, but I also value things I can hold on to. These kind of gifts serve as a reminder that I’m always loved and thought about whenever I see it and takes me right back to that moment in time. As much as I love receiving gifts, I also like to surprise my loved ones in the same manner. I love the look on my daughters face when I’ve brought home something she loves. It makes me happy to see her face light up, even with something as simple as a $2 bag of hot fries. Its not about being materialistic or obsessing about the cost behind it. Missed birthdays, anniversaries and thoughtless gifts can cause your partner to feel insignificant, forgotten and unloved. Even if its something as simple as a hand written card or picked flowers, it really is about the thought and intention behind the action.

Acts of service is valued as those who take the initiative to get things done. The key here is to humbly serve and physically help out wherever necessary. Whether that’s doing housework, preparing dinner or maintaining the cars, these are a few examples on how acts of service is shown for this love language. The concept behind this language is to show love by donating your time and effort to easing the burden of responsibility. This language is looking for the action from your words and expect you to mean what you say and say what you mean. Broken commitments, not being dependable and laziness are turn offs and should be avoided. People with this primary love language will feel unloved and unappreciated when their loved ones don’t show a desire to help them keep things in order. Having your partner choose to put their time and energy towards you will make you light up with love and appreciation.

These are all very different expressions of love. Its makes you aware of what your partners needs and triggers are. It can be easy to assume someone doesn’t love you but it could very well be a case of not recognizing and understanding when love is being shown if their language differs from yours. This concept has also helped me to strengthen and better understand my relationships with my family and friends. When building a relationship, I aim for a genuine connection with longevity and this tool is helpful in creating stronger, lasting bonds. Here is the link for the quiz, take it and let me know your results and comments below!

This is the official link, which makes you create a profile https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

Here is another test to take without having to do all that jazz https://365tests.com/personality-tests/what-is-your-love-language/

Self Discovery

Self Discovery🔸️What’s It All About?

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Self Discovery is defined as the process of acquiring insight into one’s own character

One piece of advice that I wish I had very early on in life is that you have to gain a solid sense of self in this world before you do anything else. You have to connect within and know what drives and motivates you. Self discovery is the internal exploration about connecting with your higher self and finding yourself without the influence of family, friends, religion or society.

The purpose for self discovery is breaking down all things that are not of your true self and rebuilding into a stronger, more solid version of you. Our wisdom and knowledge is only useful when shared or applied so put your growth to use! Our existence in this world is much bigger than ourselves and we’re all apart of a bigger picture. The purpose is to find your place in this puzzle of life. Unhealed trauma and suppressed feelings have a tendency to show up in other areas of our life when they are left
unaddressed and this will snowball into more problems to fix down the line.

This journey is a difficult one and is often brushed off because a lot of people don’t like reliving painful experiences or revisiting their childhood traumas because it means realizing their behavior and beliefs are be based on it. Too many people go through life pretending about who they really are, wearing the mask of who they think they should be. How can you ever find your true purpose if you aren’t real about your gifts and what makes you unique in this world? This path isn’t an easy road, but its so rewarding and essential to heal for personal growth.

I know there are some who are wondering how exactly do you do this? There are many ways to approach self exploration but the key for me was writing down my strengths, weaknesses, the things I loved and disliked about myself, my motivations, what fueled my fire and what put me out. I made a list of these qualities and spent time with them one by one. I did it this way so that I had a complete inventory of what I needed to work on and where I was starting from. Some areas required more work than others.
I thought back to what formed some of my opinions and beliefs and that reflection led me see that many of my negative experiences shaped my behavior and how I approached relationships, friendships and my own relationship with myself.

There is no time table as everyone’s self discovery journey will be different. It usually isn’t until people have grown tired, frustrated, or spiritually drained that one will seek self exploration as a way to change and transform their life. Who are you? This question is the essence of self discovery. Finding who you are at the core without being defined by the roles that you fulfill. You may be a mother or father, employee or business owner, friend ect but that is not WHO you are. I always like to say that I am an old soul with magnetic energy and a heart full of gold. An intellectual mind curious of all of the worlds wonders. A Queen who’s turned her pain into her power. This is who I am

Authenticity, Healing, Self Discovery, Self-Love

A letter to my 20 year old self

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As the end of 2018 gets closer, I took some time to reflect on my major milestone, the year of the big 3-0! Turning 30 made me think back on the decade I was now leaving behind and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. To say I had my share of challenges is an understatement!! But many would never know it. I am such a private person, so my battles were always silent. But these lessons are too valuable not to share. Thinking back on what I would tell my 20 year old self, I decided to write a letter.

You did not recognize your own strength and resiliency! Oh if only I knew then what I know now, things would of been so different. But our journey has no mistakes in the lessons meant for us. I would start off by telling you not to worry so much. Live your life for YOU and find all the things you love, no matter how strange or weird they may be. This is what separates you from others and makes you unique. Be decisive, assertive and stand firm in your boundaries. That man your stressing over will become a distant memory, save your energy. Never sacrifice your happiness for someone else. You deserve to be happy too. Put yourself first but be considerate always. Your peace and happiness is YOUR responsibility, do not take that lightly and protect it often.

Rejection or a direct NO can sting and cause pain when your heart is set on something but this can be a hidden blessing. Sometimes what you THINK you want is the worst for you in the long run. Learn to recognize this as a blessing in disguise! There is always something to be learned from every situation and person we encounter. Continue to be observant and pay attention.

This one here is crucial, DON’T BECOME WHO HURT YOU. Read that line as many times as you need to for it to sink in. Revenge feels nice (evilly satisfying if I’m being honest) but its best to feel it, own it, learn from it and let it go! Don’t avoid this part. Suppressed feelings have a way of manifesting in other areas of your life when ignored. Don’t be afraid to start over, change is good sometimes even when you don’t know the end result right away. As a perfectionist, Chill TF out sometimes and just ride the wave! Everything has a way of working out. Understand what you bring to the table and never be afraid to leave if your taken for granted or unappreciated. There are other tables out here, you can even go a step further and create your own. Never settle and don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to either. There is so much of the world you still haven’t seen, travel travel TRAVEL! Save your sick days for that lol

Focus on your goals and update them often. Let no one distract you from this. Those meant to be in your life will be there regardless, focus more on them than the people you have to fight to stay. If someone wants to leave, open the door for them, wish them well, then get back to your own life. Your friendship is not a revolving door, lock it once closed. There are still people who love and adore you! Silence really is golden and sometimes is the best answer. Easier said than done but can easily be achieved with practice and consistency.

Becoming a mother, a single mother at that is one of the hardest jobs you will ever have, but you’ve done a wonderful job despite everything stacked against you! Your determination is unmatched, you never let anything stop you to include graduating college MAGNA CUM LAUDE. Pat yourself on the back more often, you’ve earned it! Celebrate your own victories the same way you do others. Continue to lead your own path with your morals and principals guiding your way. It may not feel like it, but people do and will notice your authenticity and will love you for it, especially in a world programmed to follow the same trends. Those are the people you need to keep around. Don’t lose what makes you, YOU. Get out of that shell! There is so much more depth to you than people realize, show it off, let good people in and be proud! Own every bit of who you are and keep getting better. Self reflect often.. and make the necessary changes. Don’t make excuses for shitty behavior and decisions. You must take accountability for your yourself, and apologize when necessary. Check your ego, the world owes you nothing.

Last but most importantly, forgive often, but you are under no obligation to keep people in your life! It’s OK to forgive and still cut ties with people who have wronged you. The person who will need your forgiveness the most is YOURSELF… be generous and learn to forgive fully and honestly. It is a good thing to have high expectations of yourself and others but leave room for mistakes. Learning from them is how you will grow ❤

30 IS the new 20 ❤