Monthly Archives: September 2019

Authenticity, Self Discovery

Finding Your Fall Hobbies And Why You Need Them

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Its the official beginning of fall and the end of the month is always the time that I reflect and revisit my goals. When I think of what truly defines a person, I take a particular interest in what people tend to do for fun. Hobbies are essential to keeping the essence of who we are alive. Too often we lose ourselves to the roles we fulfill day in and day out. Lets get into exploring why hobbies are important and why you need them.

An activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure.

How you choose to spend your time can tell you a lot about a person and the things that make them unique. Your hobbies are what you gravitate towards when you need to center yourself. Your hobbies are supposed to be your happy place and temporary escape from reality. You need things in your life that occupies your time and gives you genuine happiness. That happiness is supposed to come from you and that can only happen after you’ve become familiar with what you want and need in this world.

Some of my hobbies include reading. I love a good book to get lost in for pleasure and its so good you cant put it down. There were many times I’d complete entire books within two days because I was so into it. My preferred genres of books would include self development, empowerment, cultural and historical, autobiographies, fiction and a Zane book or few.

Travel is near and dear to my heart and the first thing that always comes to mind when it comes to my happiness. There is so much of the world to see. We often spend most of our lives in our communities, not knowing what else is really out there. I have a curious mind, so traveling and experiencing different cultures always intrigued me. There is something really humbling about realizing how small we are in a world full of billions of different kinds of people. I love to soak up culture directly from the source and experience everything that particular area has to offer. The beauty in traveling is the distance is totally up to you. International trips get most of the attention, but checking out new spots in your own backyard can be just as fun. I’m sure there are things around you that you had no idea were there. Something to think about.

I love to cook just as much as I love to eat. Food is definitely life over here. There’s an art to cooking and some of our best memories are made over delicious meals. I don’t know if this is a hobby per say, but I make it my business to try new recipes often and visit new restaurants. I try to get out at least once a week and do something adultish for me. I try to make happy hour or brunch at least once a week and I like to find local businesses to try. Some of my best meals have come from places I’d never even heard of. Cooking is something I’ve done all my life it feels like, so my taste buds are pretty experienced.

As much as I love food, I’m realistic enough to know that I can’t endlessly eat without some kind of counter measures in place. I try to stay active working out 3 to 4 days a week. Some weeks are more successful than others, but its been a pretty consistent part of my life for the last few years. We are only given one body in this world so our life literally depends on its efficiency. Yes I like to binge eat wings and drinks during happy hour, but I also make sure to make up for it in the gym. Balance

I love doing DIY projects around my home. I am one of those people who likes to change things up as the seasons change. Fall wreath, Christmas lights outside, yea that’s me. I’m always open to home decor that catches my eye, but I often found I wasn’t too fond of the pre-made color patterns of decor found in stores. Doing DIY projects gives me full customization options to best suit the look I’m going for. Not to mention the savings in cost. Sometimes my projects include home decor, painting, refurbishing furniture, home repairs and everything else in between.

Speaking of savings, that brings me to my new hobby. Couponing! I am definitely a bargain shopper and prefer to stock up on the things I used at home. 2019 has been a year of a personal goal I call operation financial freedom. I came into this year determined to pay off all of my debt, so couponing and the additional savings were just what I needed. While its efficient, it is time consuming I won’t lie to you. I’m not a super shopper like some of you (kudos to you!) but I do it as necessary as my inventory runs low. This is an excellent way to save and budget your grocery expenses.

Finding your hobbies are a big part to finding what makes you happy

Some of you may remember my post some months back about happiness being an inside job, your happiness is yours alone to fulfill. We have been brainwashed into believing that its someone else’s responsibility to come into our lives and make us happy. I’m sorry, but I don’t wish to give anyone that kind of control over me. I am the creator of my destiny and to walk that destiny is to live each day as the best day you’ve had thus far. Finding your hobbies are a big part to finding what makes you happy. Its exploring the parts of you that you may not of known were there. Self exploration is the best kind of self love.

What are some of your favorite hobbies? Let me know down below!

Healing

Apologizing When Necessary

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This should really go without saying, but I often see different scenarios where people often avoid giving a sincere apology when the offense more than warrants it. There are enough options for you to choose from, but I’m sure we all can recall a time where we were owed an apology we never received. Today we’re going to talk not so glamorous side to adulting and why we should always apologize when necessary.

“I’m not sure where the myth came from that women lack accountability, but I am here to break that mold.”

Life has a funny way of testing us to make us grow. Some lessons are more painful than others and I’m sure we can all relate to those difficult moments. The saying “hurt people hurt people” is so undeniably true and its not enough to just recognize it. From our primary years to adulthood, we all have at least one experience where we were left hanging with no apology in sight. Emotions can tempt us to do things that doesn’t necessarily align with who we are and that can hurt those close to us. I’m not sure where the myth came from that women lack accountability, but here I am to break that mold. Apologizing when necessary is simply taking full accountability for your actions when you’ve done something wrong or hurt someone. Usually our first reaction is to defend our actions without first taking into thought how our actions make other people feel. We don’t get to tell people how to react, despite this toxic, widespread belief that we should. When you truly value your relationships, you do what you can to keep communication open to solve disagreements because you appreciate the peace that real relationships bring.

“Intimacy cannot thrive in an environment where honest conversations don’t occur”

Many arguments in close relationships stem from various misunderstandings. Communication is something I value deeply for this very reason. I can be woman enough to admit that I’ve had very toxic moments where the absolute worst has come out of me. Where all I wanted to do was blame the other person for making me feel some kind of way to cause my reaction. Intimacy cannot thrive in an environment where honest conversations don’t occur. Creating a healthy environment means we acknowledge the good, bad and the ugly within ourselves and how that affects us in the way that we relate to other people. Ignorance is not bliss here and it never will be. We all have our own issues we deal with and life can get pretty hard and I’m not exception that rule. Still, it is no excuse to pacify or neglect shitty behavior. Take a moment as necessary to breathe and collect your thoughts. I try to keep in mind that no matter how frustrated I get, responding with more negative energy has NEVER given me the results I was looking for. It usually adds gas to my already lit fire and makes situations even worse.

Our children look up to us and pay us more attention than we give credit too. Sometimes we owe them apologies too. I stress that because I am not a do as I say, not as I do kind of parent. I make sure to embody the characteristics that I am trying to teach my child. That means being humble enough to have humility to stop and say I was wrong and apologize and it doesn’t matter who I’m talking to. Our children need to see these qualities in us to set a true example. Too often we operate from the ego, too big and empowered to lower ourselves to apologize. Silence is not an apology, be grown enough to accept and admit when you’ve messed up and try to fix it!

Apologizing when necessary is flat out the right thing to do and we all should encourage it more. Seek to understand vs confront and watch your life change. Let me know your thoughts below!

Authenticity, Healing

Changing The Stigma On Being Single

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Single and stigma probably aren’t two words one would normally put together in a positive sense, but yet here we are. As most of us grow and progress in age, we tend to equate that to a fine bottle of wine getting better with time but there is still this unspoken stigma on single women. I’m here to tell you why that is total bs and what I think will help change the narrative.

” Too many people settle just to say they have someone and that’s not my idea of a successful union “

Most of us grew up with the expectation that marriage meant you made it. Not only is this outdated but its a superficially small way of looking at life. The stigma of something being wrong with older single women is often times baseless. There is nothing wrong with you because of your relationship status or lack there of. Too many people settle just to say they have someone and that’s not my idea of a successful union. Marriage is important but its not the determining factor of life and death and we need to stop treating it as such. There should be more importance placed on marrying the RIGHT person that gives your union longevity vs rushing to meet the age quota only for it to deteriorate a few years down the road. I’m by no means knocking the value and sacredness of the matrimonial union, only shedding light on the fact that there are other things to work towards and be proud of.

Times have changed drastically from when our grandparents were dating. Back then, it was the norm to marry young and fast, starting families and building from scratch. The economy was much better and good paying wages made it feasible for the husband to work while the wife tended to the home and children. The flip side to this was many of these wives were solely dependent on their husbands for everything from finances to survival. This created an unequal balance of power, leaving many women with very few options to leave even if she desperately desired to do so.

” … but that doesn’t mean we devalue marriage. The dynamics have changed from a need to a want. “

Women of today are competing and occasionally excelling beyond our male partners. We are no longer dependent on men for survival, but that doesn’t mean we devalue marriage. The dynamics have changed from a need to a want. I look at marriage as a lifetime partnership that has many sectors under its umbrella. Not only are we lovers, but best friends, business partners, supporters and cheerleaders who will share the responsibility of raising a family and leaving a legacy for your children and grandchildren to build upon.

Your single season is supposed to be the time where you heal, rebuild and truly reconnect with yourself. This is where you discover who you truly are without any outside interference. The single season is when you are truly free to live on your own terms and the optimal time when you should act on your curiosity. You may discover you have a love for wine festivals, reading, traveling or whatever your into. We all handle this process differently and in a multitude of ways but the fact that someone is taking time to heal and grow before bringing past baggage into another relationship should be encouraged. Hurt people hurt people and the only way to break that cycle is to recognize the reason behind our own toxic behavior and heal. Some of us come out stronger and better prepared for our next relationship and others may come out feeling like long term relationships or marriage is not for them. Everything isn’t for everyone and that’s worth respectfully acknowledging.

I’ve noticed among women there is sometimes a condescending tone from married women towards single women and I never understood why. While marriage is definitely something to be proud of, your relationship status is no stipulation of progress of a good life if that’s all you have to show for it. Have we all not seen the divorce statistics lately? The divorce rate is high as hell and more likely to happen the younger you marry.

” We love to preach about being equally yoked but that extends much further than finances. “

Marriage traditionally was a business partnership. It was only in the last few generations that we have adapted to marrying for love. Love should be present whenever marriage discussions are underway, but we cannot forget about the business and character aspects of the people we love so much. Love alone will not foster a good marriage nor will it raise a family. We love to preach about being equally yoked but that extends much further than finances. Is this person also satisfying me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually as well? These are some of the things I ask myself because I want something that will stand the test of time. I’m very aware that even with the most planning, things still can go wrong but that’s no reason not to prepare and aim for the best.

Your relationship status doesn’t speak for your entire life. We should be proud of the things we accomplish on our own with education, work, entrepreneurship, traveling the world and beyond. Changing this narrative will require honest discussions and open minds to hear, understand and respect perspectives different from our own. This includes checking our judgement and the root of our opinions. The beautiful thing about life is that we all coexist but have totally different realities. What may work for me may not work for the next person and that’s ok! The emphasis should be put on the fact that we are indeed different, which means our goals, aspirations and actions will be different and the respect for our own worlds should be given freely. What are your views on the single season? Do you think a stigma on unwed older women still exists? Let me know your thoughts and opinions!