Category Archives: Empowerment 2019

I’m Not Meant For Everyone And I’m Ok With That

Something about the title of this blog post makes me feel so free and uninhibited. Understanding my place is this world has given me perspective that we all live totally different lives simultaneously. We all have totally different wants, needs, values and appreciations and that’s a beautiful thing. Where beauty turns into despair is when you try to be something your not. Nothing lacking authenticity will ever last.

I’ve come to learn that when you fully love and accept yourself, you won’t care too much about who doesn’t. The need for approval is something I struggled with so much in my younger years. I used to have a very naive view of the world and assumed if I were a good person, people would in turn be good to me. I guess in theory that sounds great, but it certainly didn’t play out that way. I had to learn some painful lessons which made me reevaluate everything.

To be for everyone essentially means you are adapting yourself for the benefit of those around you before yourself and I wholeheartedly reject that notion. I value the quality in the relationships close to me over quantity so I’m a firm believer that the people who are meant to be in your life will find their way to you and the ones you aren’t supposed to be there will struggle to remain. Life can and will show us a lot but we have to pay attention. Sometimes this can include recognizing when a relationship, friendship or job has run its course and being courageous enough to leave and seek better. Its one thing to have boundaries but another thing entirely to enforce them. I know more than anyone that this is easier said than done, but I also know that it can be achieved if you want it bad enough.

I have always been in long-term relationships since I started dating honestly but my last relationship took me through the ringer and I left not with sadness or remorse but with anger and a hint of resentment. I was angry at myself for many things but the hardest to accept was the wasted time and the fact that things got so bad the only thing I desired was peace. I left with a firm grasp on what I will never tolerate and put up with again. I knew long before it actually ended that it wouldn’t last, but love will blind you and manipulation is a part of the game when dealing with a narcissist, my first and last. As painful as it was in the moment, hind sight is a MF and I can clearly see how that relationship was not meant for a lifetime of fulfillment but for my growth because I was meant for something much bigger than my circumstances.

This moment in time was a pivotal point in my healing journey because I had to look within myself, critique my part in the deterioration of the relationship and make real changes so that I never went through that again. I destroyed everything within myself I didn’t like and built myself back up, piece by piece. Anyone who’s done this knows the difficulty, isolation and range of emotions you go through. I didn’t know it at the time, but this was the beginning of my shadow work and spiritual journey, diving head first into discovering the root in why I felt the need for approval, why I felt compelled to stay in something I knew wasn’t serving me in the way I needed and why I had difficulty leaving. Its something about starting from rock bottom that breeds a special appreciation for the process once you make it out. I preach so much about protecting my peace, this is why.

I am confident in knowing that everything that has happened in my life is all apart of the bigger plan of growing into the person I am meant to be. I’ve accepted and even embraced that everyone can’t go where I’m going. Everyone you meet is not meant to travel through life with you and that’s nothing to be upset about. You don’t know what the universe could be saving you from. Trust the journey, become comfortable with the unknown and keep yourself first always.

A Practical Guide To Goal Planning

8 Tips For Success

Goal planning kind of sounds like work and may not be at the top of your list of never-ending things to do. Unfortunately an essential part to adulting includes having some type of order and setting goals, if we ever want to achieve anything in life. Goals are the plans we set to master across many different sectors in life. This can include your health and fitness goals, self care and parenting goals or maybe career and financial goals. The options are plentiful whichever you decide, but I’m here to share with you my 8 goal planning tips to success!

  • 1. Think about it. In order to set goals, you first have to know what you want to accomplish in life. Goals are not limited to range or size so while the possibilities are endless its good to keep them realistic. Dream big, but make sure you have a plan to follow through. Some of my current goals include starting my own business, pay off my debt, getting into the best shape of my life and building a portfolio of investments and properties.
  • 2. Write down your goals. To keep things organized, keep a detailed list of what your goals are from most to least important. Then separate them into daily (or weekly), short term (monthly, quarterly, ect), long term (1-10 year plans, retirement) goals. Once I have some kind of structure as to what I want and when, I begin writing. I try to be very specific on what I want and focus on the end result and what how I will feel once I get it. This is a great time to slip in a little manifestation with your thoughts and intentions focused on your future.
  • 3. Strategic Planning. This step is not as intimidating as it sounds. We already know our goals and our timeline so now its time to pull it all together into a plan to make it reality. Since one of my goals is to own properties, my strategic plan would include making sure my finances are in order and if they aren’t, make a plan to get in compliance. That means paying off debt, making sure my credit report is clean and accurate, saving money for down payments and such. This step is doing the necessary ground work to prepare a solid foundation for your goals to grow on.
  • 4. Creating a schedule. Once you have a plan for your goals, you need to set up just exactly how you plan to achieve success. A schedule helps tremendously with time management and keeping you accountable for your progress. This doesn’t mean you have to rush through it, just have something steady in place to keep you consistent but not overwhelmed. My schedule consists of reading a financial management book for one hour a day as well as weekly check ins on my debt reduction plan. I have been aggressively attacking my debt this year and am proud to say I can see the end of the tunnel! Operation financial freedom is near completion!
  • 5. Execution. This is actually the easiest part. Don’t overthink it too much and just start. You’ve done all of the hard work already, this step is just putting that work in motion. Executing your plan means being consistent with the schedule you created, no excuses. As with any new thing, it takes some adjusting to get used to change, but becomes second nature after you’ve been doing it awhile. Download a time management app or set alarms on your phone. Resist the urge to fall back into your comfort zone and keep the momentum going.
  • 6. Find Your Rhythm . Ahh those adjustments you find can sometimes be a real pain. Sometimes we learn through trial and error that pieces of our schedule just doesn’t work or fit correctly. This is exactly why I included this step. Its important to evaluate early on to not waste time with methods that don’t bring you desired results. Tweaks and minor changes are unavoidable for an efficient process, you are supposed to grow and build on your mistakes. These are the growing pains of change but I promise it doesn’t last long. Finding your rhythm is crucial to keeping you motivated throughout the process of working smarter not harder.
  • 7. Accountability . The success or failure of your goals usually tends to fall back on accountability. Its so easy to be motivated to do something new initially, but when that motivation fades and you flat out don’t feel like doing it is when you’ll need that extra push. Some people are more accountable than others but this is where good support system friends and family come in (social media friends count too!). If you need that extra push, share your goals and plans with someone close to you who can help keep you accountable. Its like planting a garden. You can’t prepare the soil, plant your seeds and walk away. You must tend to them consistently until they are big enough to thrive on their own. Same concept applies here.

  • 8. Reflections. Hindsight really is 20/20 and our mistakes are the best teachers if we all ourselves to learn from them. Going back over the things that went really well or really bad is how you grow and get better in life. You may find that your schedule was too stringent and you didn’t require the amount of time you thought you would or that you need a bigger savings and must budget more. That’s a crucial detail in adjusting your schedule and time management, freeing yourself to devote more time to other things. Its all trial and error but don’t let it consume you.

Do you goal plan often? If so, what ‘s your process? I hope you have found my advice to be helpful, let me know your thoughts down below!

Something In The Water

When I first heard the legendary Pharrell Williams was pitching a festival idea to the city of Virginia Beach, my ears perked up. You see, while Virginia has its perks, a common big complaint is the lack of things to do. Pharrell decided to conquer one of the most controversial weekends of the year to pull this off… Beach weekend. Beach weekend is always the last weekend in April and has become an unofficial tradition of college students packing the beach the week before finals. The controversy comes from the past incidents of violence and vandalism, sparking tense debates around the area. Pharrell emphasized the need for structure and activities to keep people occupied and he was spot on.

To say that this festival was amazing is an understatement. This festival drew in large crowds and for the first time in years, there was no violence. I didn’t really know what to expect, especially because it was the first year, but I trusted Pharrell and his vision and it was better than anything I could of imagined. For us locals this is huge and something to be celebrated, especially with over 40k people. This festival brought all kinds of people together no matter their ethnic background, beliefs or politics. From the epic line up of performances, surprise guests, food, art, cultural events and discussions, Trap Karaoke, dance competitions, the custom Adidas basketball court on the beach and so much more… there was literally something for everyone.

The festival began with a rough start on Friday, with rain ruining and eventually cancelling the first day. While he didn’t have to, Pharrell refunded everyone for that and more than made up for it over the next two days. The energy that was created has been strong and evident by everyone who was in attendance. Take a look at some of the footage from this epic event. I will definitely be present for SITW 2020!

Timbaland, Magoo, Missy Elliott, Sza, Jay Z, Tyler the Creator, Pusha T
Diddy, Busta Rhymes, Pharrell, ASAP Ferg, Travis Scott, Fabolous, Pharrell, Snoop Dogg
Teddy Riley, Dram, Usher, Jhene Aiko, Anderson Pak
Charlie Wilson, J Balvin, Pharrell, Lil Duval, Chris Brown, Trey Songz

Happiness Is An Inside Job

When I think of happiness, the emotions and feelings of love, joy, laughter, fulfillment and that over the moon feeling comes to mind. Many people seem to have the perception that happiness comes from relationships and I’m here to tell you why that’s total bullshit.

What if I told you that you could achieve that same over the moon feeling 100% by yourself? You see, happiness is purely based on your thoughts, feelings and emotions. No one in this world has the power to MAKE you happy. Sure people can assist and do things to add to it, but we have to make the decision to be happy first. Feelings and emotions shift with the wind and if you aren’t firmly rooted, these shifts will have greater impact on you.

Who wants the burden or responsibility of maintaining someone’s happiness? I know I don’t, and I don’t mean that in a malicious way, but there is freedom in knowing that when you both work on keeping yourselves happy, you come into a partnership to share and grow that happiness because your cup is already overflowing. You aren’t dependent on it because your happiness is self made. True happiness is internal and generated 100% by you. There is liberation in knowing that nobody can take my happiness from me and this is what empowers me to be better. There is nothing stopping or preventing true fulfillment. This is where to apply the “You Can’t Pour From An Empty Cup” rule. This way of thinking may intimidate those who need someone to depend on them for happiness and it shouldnt. The best kind of love is the one who WANTS to be there with no bribery or incentives.

This was one of the major lessons I learned. When you avoid certain parts of yourself, it has a way of showing up in other areas of your life. You will keep dealing with the same issues until you address the root cause of why you dont like being alone. A big part of this problem is many people don’t even know what makes them happy. We spend so much time chasing the bag that we dont leave much time for anything else. Balance here is essential, working hard is important but so is making sure you live a life your happy with. You dont want to spend your life seeking meaningless relationships because your unhappy by yourself. If your feeling this way, the best thing to do is explore that. Spend some time alone and learn to love your own company. Sit in that uncomfortable feeling and start exploring the things that interest you and watch your happiness rise. There are no right or wrong answers here, but its for your own enlightenment to heal your wounds so you can grow and move forward.

My hope is that this has inspired someone to look within themselves and make the decision to be happy regardless of their circumstances! Happiness is only a thought away

Be Mindful Of The Company You Keep

I had every intention this week on writing about happiness being an inside job but the energy I’ve felt this week has led me a different direction. This message has been heavy on my heart the last few days. The world lost an incredibly great man this week. Nipsey Hustle was much more than a rapper. He was a man all about his family, his growth, but most importantly changing the narrative of his past and bridging his community. He was gunned down this week by a friend turned foe in the very same community he was uplifting. I couldn’t help but think about how sometimes the enemy isn’t a stranger watching you from a far.. the enemy is a sinister foe within your own circle.

Being mindful of the company you keep is our best defense from people who pretend to love us but mean us no good. Even then there still are no guarantees in life. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason and God doesn’t make mistakes. I know there is a bigger lesson here and maybe it has everything to do with the work he was engaged in and the legacy he leaves behind. Its a hard pill to swallow when you believe in the law of attraction and you watch someone do all the right things and the absolute worst happens to them. This is what devastates me most.

We have to become better at screening people and their intentions on a continuous basis. Even the longest of friendships can become your downfall when the motives change and sadly there usually aren’t any announcements when that change occurs. I’m blessed to have solid people around me, but there are also those few that I question. Some I’ve known forever and maintain a sort of loyalty to due to the years invested but I’ve noticed the energy and vibe has shifted and it doesnt always mesh with where I’m at in my life now. I protect my peace viciously so any threat to that is removed. My personal journey on ascending into the better version of me has exposed a lot of weak connections. Everyone isn’t meant to stand the test of time and continue the journey with you.

Changing and letting go is hard, its especially hard for me but I’m learning to be more objective about it and not take it so personal. Holding onto people not meant for you will cause you more harm than good. It saddens me when people have such low communication and conflict resolution skills that you resort to violence, destroying their family, your own and the community you call home. We are living in a wicked world and sometimes I worry having to raise my child in this chaos. My daughter and I had our first bully situation last year from a girl she called her best friend for several years and my daughter was devastated. I will always teach my child to lead by morals and values, to treat others how she wants to be treated, but that’s only one part. I have absolutely no control of how her peers are raised. Bullying is such a huge issue in our schools, to the point where children are taking their own lives. I teach my child to stand up for herself and to be aware of the behaviors and actions of others and to stand firm in what she knows is right. I am teaching her young what I learned late and that’s to never be afraid to walk away from someone that violates her values.

This is the best time to start leading by example. Be the change you wish to see and show others its possible with your actions. We have more power than we realize. Although I wish this world were more peaceful and everyone got along, it just isn’t reality all the time and we must prepare and protect ourselves. I am angered by the senseless way Nipsey lost his life, but lets not make it in vain. Continue to do the work he started but in your own community. He definitely planted the seed.

Queen

Hey my Loves! I know this blog post is a few days later than usual but I took some time off for my birthday! Blessed and appreciative are understatements to the blessings that I have received in my life and I needed some time to really reflect on where I am today and how long I’ve come in my journey. This is a new chapter of life, the 31st edition! This year my age and birthday numbers are reverse (March 13) I wonder if that has any significance. I titled this blog post queen because what other day to feel like a true Queen than your birthday! I want to touch on what being a queen means to me.

A Queen is described as the female ruler of an independent state, or the most powerful chess piece that each player has.

To be a queen is to command the presence of the room before you even speak. To be a queen is to carry a regal elegance about yourself. To be a queen is to be powerful yet humble and take no shit.

A queen values herself and her tribe and is good to people. She must must be accountable and be able to admit when she is wrong. She must be a leader and set a solid example for those around her and beyond.

A queen isn’t afraid to dream big and demand the very best.
She will show you just how to slay the world and build an empire customized to her essence.

A queen knows exactly who she is and does not emulate things not of her authentic self.

She accepts, owns and claims her strengths and her flaws. She has the ability to turn her pain into her power.

A queen understand its wise to plan for the future, but the most important time is right now. She’s aware that time is the most precious gift you can never get back.

A queen oozes confidence and walks like she owns the world and keeps that head high always. A queen does not let people walk all over her. She doesn’t settle in friendships or relationships.

A queen is not easily triggered and can control her emotions and maintain her poise. A queen always remains classy and dignified and never lets anyone get a rise from her.

A queen uplifts, never degrades or tear people down. She understands that respect and support is a two street and she is reciprocal.

A queen understands the need for quality over quantity. From the linen worn on her skin down to the company she keeps, quality is all she surrounds herself with. She will rid herself of toxic people and environments.

A queen is very wise, knowledgeable and intelligent. She is just as much the teacher as she is the student, always learning and improving.

A queen can recognize other queens and show love and support without her own crown feeling threatened. She knows she has no competition and therefor harbors no jealously.

A queen is very aware that silence is golden, and will not waste her breath on those beneath her. This may trigger some who think “we are all equal” and fundamentally that is correct, but we all dont lead with the same moral compass, if one is used at all.

I’m going to drop a few jewels here… we all have the ability to be queens! It is all in the energy you emit and we have total control of that. Self love is the foundation for everything else in your life. When you truly love yourself, it shows. When you truly value yourself and trust intuition, you shift your energy in a positive direction. The thing is to KEEP your energy is this direction and continue to elevate. Easier said than done, I know very well, but you cannot get through life without work. Its all in how bad you want it….. Queen

DIY Project🔅2019 Vision Board

VISION BOARDS

We are almost one month into the new year and what better time than now to create a vision board for the year. Its important to be proactive in creating your own vision for your life, as our thoughts are powerful and reflects the world as we know it.

So What Exactly Is A Vision Board and Why Do You Need One?

The purpose of a vision board is to make a collage of images, pictures, affirmations, goals, and dreams to serve as a source of inspiration and can magnify the law of attraction method to attain goals. The idea is to create the feelings and gratitude BEFORE it comes. By creating a visual representation, you stimulate and strengthen your emotions and emotions are the vibrational energy that activates Law of Attraction. This is how you make your dreams a reality. Last year was the first time I ever made a vision board and I kept it up for a few months before it somehow ended up in the back of my closet. Some things did come to fruition as I also did the work to achieve them, but my mission could of been accomplished much faster having that daily reminder to look at. I suggest a vision board to anyone who wants to plan and structure their lives around their goals and NOT their circumstances. This is the key difference between a life you chose and a life you just accepted. We are picking and choosing in 2019!

The law of attraction is defined as the attractive, magnetic power of the universe that draws similar energies together

So How Do We Get Started?

You cannot make a vision board without first having a vision for your life. Do you know your goals and the things you want out of life? Do you have a dream job or business? Or dream home? Try to be as specific as possible. Once you know what’s important to you, then you’ll need to decide on the categories you want to feature. The primary categories I went with were finances (operation financial freedom!), Love and Relationships, career and business plans, My blog and book club, holistic health and spiritual growth as well as family. Next I plug every item on my list into one of these categories so that I know how to structure the best layout. Categories with more items will need more space so be mindful of that. After you’ve made your plan, we need to find our content. I started with magazines but they only gave me some good quotes and words to live by. They didn’t offer much as far as pictures are concerned. So for that, I had to swing over to google to find the best images and print them off.

While looking for pictures, I tried to pick the ones I absolutely loved and was sure to include extra to give myself options during the final layout. Once I had all my pictures printed and cut to size, I got my poster board and laid out all of my pictures until I had the final format I was looking for. Gluing everything down was the last step.

Your vision board should be fabulously full and complete! Keep in mind that this vision board acts as a visualization tool, but it doesn’t absolve you from doing the actual work. You should still put forth the effort needed to execute your plan. Remember we are working on cultivating the feeling of already having what we want and our board is the reinforcement of that idea.
The key to this is making sure you keep your vision board in area that it will be visible daily. Look at it and change it as often as you need to and watch the magic happen! Thanks for tuning in!

A sneak peek of my vision board