When I think of happiness, the emotions and feelings of love, joy, laughter, fulfillment and that over the moon feeling comes to mind. Many people seem to have the perception that happiness comes from relationships and I’m here to tell you why that’s total bullshit.
What if I told you that you could achieve that same over the moon feeling 100% by yourself? You see, happiness is purely based on your thoughts, feelings and emotions. No one in this world has the power to MAKE you happy. Sure people can assist and do things to add to it, but we have to make the decision to be happy first. Feelings and emotions shift with the wind and if you aren’t firmly rooted, these shifts will have greater impact on you.
Who wants the burden or responsibility of maintaining someone’s happiness? I know I don’t, and I don’t mean that in a malicious way, but there is freedom in knowing that when you both work on keeping yourselves happy, you come into a partnership to share and grow that happiness because your cup is already overflowing. You aren’t dependent on it because your happiness is self made. True happiness is internal and generated 100% by you. There is liberation in knowing that nobody can take my happiness from me and this is what empowers me to be better. There is nothing stopping or preventing true fulfillment. This is where to apply the “You Can’t Pour From An Empty Cup” rule. This way of thinking may intimidate those who need someone to depend on them for happiness and it shouldnt. The best kind of love is the one who WANTS to be there with no bribery or incentives.
This was one of the major lessons I learned. When you avoid certain parts of yourself, it has a way of showing up in other areas of your life. You will keep dealing with the same issues until you address the root cause of why you dont like being alone. A big part of this problem is many people don’t even know what makes them happy. We spend so much time chasing the bag that we dont leave much time for anything else. Balance here is essential, working hard is important but so is making sure you live a life your happy with. You dont want to spend your life seeking meaningless relationships because your unhappy by yourself. If your feeling this way, the best thing to do is explore that. Spend some time alone and learn to love your own company. Sit in that uncomfortable feeling and start exploring the things that interest you and watch your happiness rise. There are no right or wrong answers here, but its for your own enlightenment to heal your wounds so you can grow and move forward.
My hope is that this has inspired someone to look within themselves and make the decision to be happy regardless of their circumstances! Happiness is only a thought away
With the end of March coming to a end, its evident that Spring is finally here! Self care is something we should be practicing on the regular. The beauty in this is that our self care methods are unique to each individual so there is no right or wrong way to take care of yourself as long as you are happy. Here is my list on what I do when to keep myself up and in optimal spirits.
1. Read A New Book. Reading has always been a personal pleasure of mine. I recently read “Believe” by Michelle Obama and it was one of the best books I’ve read. So much insight and wisdom. I love reading other people’s stories and their advice and thinking of how I can relate it to my own life. I have a love for multiple genres ranging from fiction, drama, self help, enlightenment and history. Its a nice escape into an unfamiliar story different from your own with a nice cup or tea or a mixed drink depending on my mood lol. My new book for this Spring will be “We’re Going To Need More Wine” by Gabrielle Union.
2. Spring Clean Your Home. I don’t know about you, but I feel most relaxed laying down with my feet up and incense burning knowing that my house is clean and I have no chores to do. Spring is the best time to clean out those cob webs and get your home in order! Depending on your space, this can seem daunting but I always stress one thing at a time, or in this case, room at a time. I like to take my time starting top from bottom, clearing all dust, clutter and junk that serves no purpose. This is also when I like to redecorate and change my space. Small tweaks can make a room feel brand new.
3. Join A Gym Or Work Out At Home- They say Summer bodies are made in the Winter but that doesn’t mean Spring workouts cant help you get in shape for the Summer. The main thing here is consistency. We all want to look great in our bathing suits, but there are sacrifices to be made if you are anything like me and took eating comfort food this winter to heart. I have a personal challenge to lose 8 pounds by May 1. I personally use both methods to workout, preferring weight lifting at the gym 3 days a week and HIIT cardio at home 2 times a week. HIIT (High intensity interval training) is cardio gold. Youtube is my best friend for finding some great home workouts to do.
4. Plan A Vacation. Secretly I am always planning a vacation in my mind. Travel is my hearts joy and I try to go somewhere as often as I can. All work and no play isn’t good for anyone. Its easy to get swamped with life, our families and our jobs, but time away to recharge is essential for optimal peace of mind. While I’m sure many of us would love to sail across the world, it may not be that simple. Road trips are my second alternative if I want to get away but maybe for not as far or as long as a Caribbean retreat. Its nothing for me to hop in the car and drive. Its even better if your job offers discounts on rentals if your traveling a good distance. Save your mileage!
5. Get Creative. Tapping into my creative side always brings me peace. I’ve discovered that I love painting, re-purposing furniture, DIY projects, gardening, writing poetry, wine and music festivals, trying new recipes to cook, yoga, blogging, museums, aquariums and theme parks among others! I love trying new things and this is how I discovered my love for the many hobbies I have. Having productive hobbies is how you keep in touch with what makes you happy and maintain your identity. Having your own interests ensures you can always find something to occupy your time.
6. Meditation and Journalism. Meditation has been a game changer in terms of quieting the mind. I often feel like I have 20 different tabs open in my mind with something complete different on each one. We underestimate the power of the mind and all of things its capable of. To be still and quiet while observing your thoughts but not attaching yourself to them is the key. Our reality is shaped by the very thoughts we have and our perception is based on that. Meditating has given me a sense of calm tranquility. Keeping a journal handy to jot down your thoughts is a good way to get things off your mind. Its easier for me to write down how I’m feeling and I prefer it this way because I can come back to it and reflect on it. Sometimes our thoughts are clouded by every day life and this is a great release.
7. Schedule Me Time Often. This is one that took me some time to really start. As a mom, its hard to get away and when I could, I sometimes felt guilty for leaving my little one. I had to come to the realization that a few hours away would not hurt and when I am my happiest and my best self, I’m a better mom for her. This change in perspective has opened doors to still allow me to be myself outside of the many roles I fill. I make it a habit to go to a happy hour or brunch at least once a week, indulge in bubble baths, massages, manicures/pedicures, ect. I make sure to have plenty of hobbies and other things to turn to that bring me joy.
8. Get Outside! This may seem cliche, but the sun and fresh air really does the body good! Sometimes we need to unplug and just go observe the world around you. There is so much beauty in watching nature come alive during Spring. I love being around water and going to the beach to meditate and practice grounding. Its something about the water that rushing up your legs with a slight breeze that just makes me happy, maybe its the Pisces in me.
These are some of my go-to things I do when I feel I need that self love pick me up. Is self care something you practice regularly? What are some ways you like to practice self care? Let me know down below!
Hey my Loves! I know this blog post is a few days later than usual but I took some time off for my birthday! Blessed and appreciative are understatements to the blessings that I have received in my life and I needed some time to really reflect on where I am today and how long I’ve come in my journey. This is a new chapter of life, the 31st edition! This year my age and birthday numbers are reverse (March 13) I wonder if that has any significance. I titled this blog post queen because what other day to feel like a true Queen than your birthday! I want to touch on what being a queen means to me.
A Queen is described as the female ruler of an independent state, or the most powerful chess piece that each player has.
To be a queen is to command the presence of the room before you even speak. To be a queen is to carry a regal elegance about yourself. To be a queen is to be powerful yet humble and take no shit.
A queen values herself and her tribe and is good to people. She must must be accountable and be able to admit when she is wrong. She must be a leader and set a solid example for those around her and beyond.
A queen isn’t afraid to dream big and demand the very best. She will show you just how to slay the world and build an empire customized to her essence.
A queen knows exactly who she is and does not emulate things not of her authentic self.
She accepts, owns and claims her strengths and her flaws. She has the ability to turn her pain into her power.
A queen understand its wise to plan for the future, but the most important time is right now. She’s aware that time is the most precious gift you can never get back.
A queen oozes confidence and walks like she owns the world and keeps that head high always. A queen does not let people walk all over her. She doesn’t settle in friendships or relationships.
A queen is not easily triggered and can control her emotions and maintain her poise. A queen always remains classy and dignified and never lets anyone get a rise from her.
A queen uplifts, never degrades or tear people down. She understands that respect and support is a two street and she is reciprocal.
A queen understands the need for quality over quantity. From the linen worn on her skin down to the company she keeps, quality is all she surrounds herself with. She will rid herself of toxic people and environments.
A queen is very wise, knowledgeable and intelligent. She is just as much the teacher as she is the student, always learning and improving.
A queen can recognize other queens and show love and support without her own crown feeling threatened. She knows she has no competition and therefor harbors no jealously.
A queen is very aware that silence is golden, and will not waste her breath on those beneath her. This may trigger some who think “we are all equal” and fundamentally that is correct, but we all dont lead with the same moral compass, if one is used at all.
I’m going to drop a few jewels here… we all have the ability to be queens! It is all in the energy you emit and we have total control of that. Self love is the foundation for everything else in your life. When you truly love yourself, it shows. When you truly value yourself and trust intuition, you shift your energy in a positive direction. The thing is to KEEP your energy is this direction and continue to elevate. Easier said than done, I know very well, but you cannot get through life without work. Its all in how bad you want it….. Queen
Today is the last day of January and I cant believe how fast the month went! I know I said this weeks post would be about love languages, but with Valentines day around the corner, I figured that would be more fitting for the occasion. Learn to expect the unexpected from me, things can change fast but all for the better good!
Abundance is when our cups run over, but what happens when your cup is empty? A burn out is most likely on the horizon. Achieving balance here can be tricky sometimes but ensuring your cup never gets too low is crucial for healing and maintaining self care. Its too easy to pour all of yourself into your loved ones and don’t get me wrong your heart is certainly in the right place, but realistically no one can sustain like that forever. To be a giving person is a blessing, but over exerting yourself will leave nothing else inside for you. The cup is supposed to represent you. When its empty, you cant give the things you need to give to your kids, family or community. Our cups become empty when there is nothing being poured back into us or we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to practice real self care. You cant have the drive and passion for everything else in your life and neglect to pour that magic back into yourself. YOU are the most important project you will ever work on. When you are operating are optimum levels, you are better able to give and serve those around you without becoming depleted yourself. Learn to work smarter not harder.
This is a good example outside of financial reasons of why we need equally yoked relationships. You cannot be the only one pouring from your cup, depleting yourself while that love isn’t reciprocated. We should surround ourselves with people who also help us, look out for and pour back into us. This is not just limited to romantic relationships either, this also applies for friendships, business relationships and such. We also have to make sure that we are open to receiving help, we cant be too busy and ignore or neglect the people who want to assist us. Even if it isn’t intentional, just be mindful of it. Accept help when it is offered and know that you don’t have to carry the burden of the world alone. This is something I’m actively working on.
Its ok to take breaks, or have alone time. Many times we feel guilty for not giving ourselves a break when there are more important things that require our attention, but this train of thought has to end. I am a much better parent if I’ve given myself time to collect my thoughts and improve my mood from a long day at work. Its easy to get annoyed at little things when we are already stressed from the day and we do not want to take it out on those closest to us. That’s exactly what we are trying to avoid and replace with better practices. We are human though, sometimes we may slip and have a moment but remember to forgive yourself and keep trying. We should be mindful to what our limits and triggers are and how long it takes us to reach them. Empty cups are detrimental to everyone around us and takes much longer to fix than catching it before it gets that bad. Its having practices in place to prevent problems before they arise.
To combat having an empty cup, self care practices can be ideal. You can develop a self care plan or list that has things to do that bring you peace when needed. It really is up to you and what you like but my list includes:
going to the gym
30 minutes of decompress time after work before jumping into mom mode
scheduling weekly date nights, happy hours or brunch dates with friends
chocolate and wine of course lol.
Pictured below another list of ideas that cost you absolutely nothing so no excuse!
For those unable to squeeze in time after work, there are the night owl hours after everyone has gone to bed for the night, or the early bird rising before everyone else to enjoy the sunrise and a cup of coffee in silence. There are plenty of ways to achieve the time, its taking the steps to actually do it and not giving into excuses. Prioritize yourself into those busy to do lists and make sure your cup is taken care of
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