Category Archives: Healing

You Can’t Pour From An Empty Cup

Today is the last day of January and I cant believe how fast the month went! I know I said this weeks post would be about love languages, but with Valentines day around the corner, I figured that would be more fitting for the occasion. Learn to expect the unexpected from me, things can change fast but all for the better good!

Abundance is when our cups run over, but what happens when your cup is empty? A burn out is most likely on the horizon. Achieving balance here can be tricky sometimes but ensuring your cup never gets too low is crucial for healing and maintaining self care. Its too easy to pour all of yourself into your loved ones and don’t get me wrong your heart is certainly in the right place, but realistically no one can sustain like that forever. To be a giving person is a blessing, but over exerting yourself will leave nothing else inside for you. The cup is supposed to represent you. When its empty, you cant give the things you need to give to your kids, family or community. Our cups become empty when there is nothing being poured back into us or we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to practice real self care. You cant have the drive and passion for everything else in your life and neglect to pour that magic back into yourself. YOU are the most important project you will ever work on. When you are operating are optimum levels, you are better able to give and serve those around you without becoming depleted yourself. Learn to work smarter not harder.

This is a good example outside of financial reasons of why we need equally yoked relationships. You cannot be the only one pouring from your cup, depleting yourself while that love isn’t reciprocated. We should surround ourselves with people who also help us, look out for and pour back into us. This is not just limited to romantic relationships either, this also applies for friendships, business relationships and such. We also have to make sure that we are open to receiving help, we cant be too busy and ignore or neglect the people who want to assist us. Even if it isn’t intentional, just be mindful of it. Accept help when it is offered and know that you don’t have to carry the burden of the world alone. This is something I’m actively working on.

Its ok to take breaks, or have alone time. Many times we feel guilty for not giving ourselves a break when there are more important things that require our attention, but this train of thought has to end. I am a much better parent if I’ve given myself time to collect my thoughts and improve my mood from a long day at work. Its easy to get annoyed at little things when we are already stressed from the day and we do not want to take it out on those closest to us. That’s exactly what we are trying to avoid and replace with better practices. We are human though, sometimes we may slip and have a moment but remember to forgive yourself and keep trying. We should be mindful to what our limits and triggers are and how long it takes us to reach them. Empty cups are detrimental to everyone around us and takes much longer to fix than catching it before it gets that bad. Its having practices in place to prevent problems before they arise.

To combat having an empty cup, self care practices can be ideal. You can develop a self care plan or list that has things to do that bring you peace when needed. It really is up to you and what you like but my list includes:

  • bubble baths
  • journaling
  • meditation
  • going to the gym
  • retail therapy
  • 30 minutes of decompress time after work before jumping into mom mode
  • scheduling weekly date nights, happy hours or brunch dates with friends
  • chocolate and wine of course lol.
  • Pictured below another list of ideas that cost you absolutely nothing so no excuse!

For those unable to squeeze in time after work, there are the night owl hours after everyone has gone to bed for the night, or the early bird rising before everyone else to enjoy the sunrise and a cup of coffee in silence. There are plenty of ways to achieve the time, its taking the steps to actually do it and not giving into excuses. Prioritize yourself into those busy to do lists and make sure your cup is taken care of

Growing Pains

GROWING PAINS

Growth should come with a warning label:

“🗣Caution, painful times ahead!”

Sounds like we should run for the hills huh lol, don’t leave just yet. Life is sometimes a roller coaster ride full of sharp turns, being in over your head and painful experiences. The saying is growth is not found in comfort and that’s the absolute truth. Growth can hurt and change is uncomfortable but if you can hold tight til the end, you’ll learn that the journey was necessary and you’ll appreciate all you’ve endured to get there.

Growing pains come in many forms. It’s a part of life that has to be accepted to live fully with the least amount of resistance. Instead of looking at it as a bad thing, learn to flip your perspective into how can this help me grow? What can I learn from this? This simple fix is the start to accepting what life throws your way and handling it in the best way possible.

Building and sticking to a new fitness and nutrition regimen is a growing pain when you aren’t used to working out and eating right. I began my fitness journey in December 2017 and the hardest thing for me was remaining consistent and pushing myself on the days I didn’t feel like sticking to the plan. Some weeks were better than others but I kept going. Here it is over a year later and I am still pushing to be the most fit I’ve ever been in my adult life. Backslides happen, things come up and sometimes there just isn’t enough time in the day. It is easier for me to jump back on track because I’ve stayed with it for so long. This is no longer a pain for me, but a necessary part of self love.

Outgrowing destructive behaviors and relationships are growing pains. Many people will give the excuse for bad behavior as “that’s just how I am”. WRONG, that’s how you CHOOSE to be. We are in complete control of ourselves at all times and certain behaviors or traits can be replaced with better ones, but this requires attentiveness and work. Too many people don’t want to put the work in and expect good results and life does not work this way. More people need to understand that internal work is just as important as any other achievement you seek, even more if I’m being honest. Even when it comes to relationships, many times we tend to get into them without fully knowing the person your opening your life up to. People will remain in bad relationships for the sake of comfort and I will be the first to tell you that I have been there. I was once that girl, but as a grown woman this is no longer acceptable. Every relationship isn’t meant to last a lifetime and discernment is so necessary to recognize when that season is up. Growing pains is sometimes leaving situations that no longer serve you. Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us things and that’s it! We aren’t meant to hold on to them, but yet we do for fear of be alone. Being single or alone is not a bad thing and I wish society would change that narrative. It is much better to work on self than to hop from one meaningless relationship to another. That fear of being alone has to be addressed and you can’t avoid it forever. How can you expect other people to enjoy your company when you don’t even enjoy your own?

Building and sticking to a budget is a growing pain for those who aren’t so accountable with finances or those looking to make a financial change in their life. Especially in today’s economy, financial responsibility is a must. Many of us are only a paycheck away from being homeless and while budgeting, meal prepping and couponing doesn’t seem like it will help or be much fun, they are tactics to help you become more wise with where your money goes. The money saved can go towards outstanding debt, savings or college plans for children, investments, ect. Operation financial freedom is the # 1 goal I have right now and it was a hard adjustment to make but that didn’t stop me because I know my end goals and this is a major catalyst to achieving them. You know your on the right track when you resist reckless spending and think more long term and not just for the moment.

These are just a few examples of how we experience growing pains. Change is inevitable and it is wise to alter the way we think about it. Change is always an opportunity for growth. What good is the knowledge we collect along our way if we don’t apply it and put it to use? Something to think about

A letter to my 20 year old self

As the end of 2018 gets closer, I took some time to reflect on my major milestone, the year of the big 3-0! Turning 30 made me think back on the decade I was now leaving behind and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. To say I had my share of challenges is an understatement!! But many would never know it. I am such a private person, so my battles were always silent. But these lessons are too valuable not to share. Thinking back on what I would tell my 20 year old self, I decided to write a letter.

You did not recognize your own strength and resiliency! Oh if only I knew then what I know now, things would of been so different. But our journey has no mistakes in the lessons meant for us. I would start off by telling you not to worry so much. Live your life for YOU and find all the things you love, no matter how strange or weird they may be. This is what separates you from others and makes you unique. Be decisive, assertive and stand firm in your boundaries. That man your stressing over will become a distant memory, save your energy. Never sacrifice your happiness for someone else. You deserve to be happy too. Put yourself first but be considerate always. Your peace and happiness is YOUR responsibility, do not take that lightly and protect it often.

Rejection or a direct NO can sting and cause pain when your heart is set on something but this can be a hidden blessing. Sometimes what you THINK you want is the worst for you in the long run. Learn to recognize this as a blessing in disguise! There is always something to be learned from every situation and person we encounter. Continue to be observant and pay attention.

This one here is crucial, DON’T BECOME WHO HURT YOU. Read that line as many times as you need to for it to sink in. Revenge feels nice (evilly satisfying if I’m being honest) but its best to feel it, own it, learn from it and let it go! Don’t avoid this part. Suppressed feelings have a way of manifesting in other areas of your life when ignored. Don’t be afraid to start over, change is good sometimes even when you don’t know the end result right away. As a perfectionist, Chill TF out sometimes and just ride the wave! Everything has a way of working out. Understand what you bring to the table and never be afraid to leave if your taken for granted or unappreciated. There are other tables out here, you can even go a step further and create your own. Never settle and don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to either. There is so much of the world you still haven’t seen, travel travel TRAVEL! Save your sick days for that lol

Focus on your goals and update them often. Let no one distract you from this. Those meant to be in your life will be there regardless, focus more on them than the people you have to fight to stay. If someone wants to leave, open the door for them, wish them well, then get back to your own life. Your friendship is not a revolving door, lock it once closed. There are still people who love and adore you! Silence really is golden and sometimes is the best answer. Easier said than done but can easily be achieved with practice and consistency.

Becoming a mother, a single mother at that is one of the hardest jobs you will ever have, but you’ve done a wonderful job despite everything stacked against you! Your determination is unmatched, you never let anything stop you to include graduating college MAGNA CUM LAUDE. Pat yourself on the back more often, you’ve earned it! Celebrate your own victories the same way you do others. Continue to lead your own path with your morals and principals guiding your way. It may not feel like it, but people do and will notice your authenticity and will love you for it, especially in a world programmed to follow the same trends. Those are the people you need to keep around. Don’t lose what makes you, YOU. Get out of that shell! There is so much more depth to you than people realize, show it off, let good people in and be proud! Own every bit of who you are and keep getting better. Self reflect often.. and make the necessary changes. Don’t make excuses for shitty behavior and decisions. You must take accountability for your yourself, and apologize when necessary. Check your ego, the world owes you nothing.

Last but most importantly, forgive often, but you are under no obligation to keep people in your life! It’s OK to forgive and still cut ties with people who have wronged you. The person who will need your forgiveness the most is YOURSELF… be generous and learn to forgive fully and honestly. It is a good thing to have high expectations of yourself and others but leave room for mistakes. Learning from them is how you will grow ❤

30 IS the new 20 ❤

What does it mean to self reflect?

The ability to stop and check yourself is one of the best qualities to have. None of us are perfect, we are all a constant work in progress.

Self reflection is holding a mirror up to your own flaws, bad habits and toxic behaviors. It about being able to recognize your own short comings and do something about it.

This is growth! This is how we expand and see things from different perspectives and gain a more opened minded view. Introspective maintenance should be practiced regularly to be your best.

It takes consistent practice to become more self aware of our flaws and extremely brave to face them! We all have the capability to realign ourselves at any moment.

Are there some flaws you know you need to work on? Others you aren’t so aware of? Comment below and let me know 💙