Category Archives: Healing

Are You Evolving Or Stalling?

Life has a way of challenging us to force promote personal growth. An unconventional method that breeds more questions than answers but hey, I didn’t make the rules. When presented with these opportunities of growth, we have a decision to make. Should we ride the wave and adapt to what life brings our way or resist and fight like hell? Growth is a constant and will happen whether you want it to or not so the question still stands: Are you evolving or stalling?

“PSA: 2020 will be the exact same as 2019 if you don’t get off your ass and make the adjustments that you need to mentally, physicially and emotionally”

Evolving takes personal growth a bit further in that instead of making personal changes to ourselves, we evolve to fully accept ourselves and allow life changes to happen naturally. The evolution of self is a journey specific to each individual and your path in life. Most people spend a lifetime learning to fully love and accept themselves and have that acceptance reflected in their every day lives. Talk is cheap when it comes to evolving and life has a way of testing you to see just how solid you are. Its simple for me to say stand your ground and never fold and that’s because I’m extremely resilient and determined once my mind is made up. A quality I sharpened within myself.

As an evolved person, you commit to certain path in life. Having a good job, decent money and a comfortable home life is certainly goals but that’s not the finish line. The goal is to excel not maintain barely making it. Evolving is always pushing that envelope a little further than you thought you could. Its testing your own boundaries as you should be your only competition. Evolving is healing yourself before hurting someone else, being more financially responsible and planning for your future.

“Stalling is a disguise of faux progression and to be blunt, who has time for that? You can play with your life if you wish, but your older self will regret wasting valuable years of your life chasing bullshit. “

Stalling is an avoidance measure and what happens when we drag our feet to accept the challenges placed in front of us. There’s a multitude of reasons why we stall, too content within our comfort zones, afraid of the work necessary to see these challenges through, ect. While intimidating, its better to get ahead of it and learn on your own before life forces your hand. In some weirdly fascinating way, the universe is always interconnected. It is divinely orchestrated in that nothing happens by accident or coincidence. Everything happens exactly as its supposed to. Stalling is a disguise of faux progression and to be blunt, who has time for that? You can play with your life if you wish, but your older self will regret wasting valuable years of your life chasing bullshit. Time is the one thing in this world we can’t control and no moment is retrievable.

” The evolving process is just as much about true acceptance as it is about checking to see if you’re operating from your purpose or your ego”

As a new business owner, my time is my money and my money is nothing to be played with. You see, I walk my talk and realign my priorities and make adjustments as necessary because my goals require me to be disciplined now to reap the rewards later. That for me meant doing shit I really didn’t want to do, but did it anyway. What good are your life lessons if the wisdom you’ve gained isn’t applied or shared? The evolving process is just as much about true acceptance as it is about checking to see if you’re operating from your purpose or your ego. To separate the two is a goal by itself but once mastered, you’ll see one of life’s most valuable lessons. Life is a compiled list of choices and each choice we make has a cause & effect reaction. Are you choosing wisely?

Apologizing When Necessary

This should really go without saying, but I often see different scenarios where people often avoid giving a sincere apology when the offense more than warrants it. There are enough options for you to choose from, but I’m sure we all can recall a time where we were owed an apology we never received. Today we’re going to talk not so glamorous side to adulting and why we should always apologize when necessary.

“I’m not sure where the myth came from that women lack accountability, but I am here to break that mold.”

Life has a funny way of testing us to make us grow. Some lessons are more painful than others and I’m sure we can all relate to those difficult moments. The saying “hurt people hurt people” is so undeniably true and its not enough to just recognize it. From our primary years to adulthood, we all have at least one experience where we were left hanging with no apology in sight. Emotions can tempt us to do things that doesn’t necessarily align with who we are and that can hurt those close to us. I’m not sure where the myth came from that women lack accountability, but here I am to break that mold. Apologizing when necessary is simply taking full accountability for your actions when you’ve done something wrong or hurt someone. Usually our first reaction is to defend our actions without first taking into thought how our actions make other people feel. We don’t get to tell people how to react, despite this toxic, widespread belief that we should. When you truly value your relationships, you do what you can to keep communication open to solve disagreements because you appreciate the peace that real relationships bring.

“Intimacy cannot thrive in an environment where honest conversations don’t occur”

Many arguments in close relationships stem from various misunderstandings. Communication is something I value deeply for this very reason. I can be woman enough to admit that I’ve had very toxic moments where the absolute worst has come out of me. Where all I wanted to do was blame the other person for making me feel some kind of way to cause my reaction. Intimacy cannot thrive in an environment where honest conversations don’t occur. Creating a healthy environment means we acknowledge the good, bad and the ugly within ourselves and how that affects us in the way that we relate to other people. Ignorance is not bliss here and it never will be. We all have our own issues we deal with and life can get pretty hard and I’m not exception that rule. Still, it is no excuse to pacify or neglect shitty behavior. Take a moment as necessary to breathe and collect your thoughts. I try to keep in mind that no matter how frustrated I get, responding with more negative energy has NEVER given me the results I was looking for. It usually adds gas to my already lit fire and makes situations even worse.

Our children look up to us and pay us more attention than we give credit too. Sometimes we owe them apologies too. I stress that because I am not a do as I say, not as I do kind of parent. I make sure to embody the characteristics that I am trying to teach my child. That means being humble enough to have humility to stop and say I was wrong and apologize and it doesn’t matter who I’m talking to. Our children need to see these qualities in us to set a true example. Too often we operate from the ego, too big and empowered to lower ourselves to apologize. Silence is not an apology, be grown enough to accept and admit when you’ve messed up and try to fix it!

Apologizing when necessary is flat out the right thing to do and we all should encourage it more. Seek to understand vs confront and watch your life change. Let me know your thoughts below!

Changing The Stigma On Being Single

Single and stigma probably aren’t two words one would normally put together in a positive sense, but yet here we are. As most of us grow and progress in age, we tend to equate that to a fine bottle of wine getting better with time but there is still this unspoken stigma on single women. I’m here to tell you why that is total bs and what I think will help change the narrative.

” Too many people settle just to say they have someone and that’s not my idea of a successful union “

Most of us grew up with the expectation that marriage meant you made it. Not only is this outdated but its a superficially small way of looking at life. The stigma of something being wrong with older single women is often times baseless. There is nothing wrong with you because of your relationship status or lack there of. Too many people settle just to say they have someone and that’s not my idea of a successful union. Marriage is important but its not the determining factor of life and death and we need to stop treating it as such. There should be more importance placed on marrying the RIGHT person that gives your union longevity vs rushing to meet the age quota only for it to deteriorate a few years down the road. I’m by no means knocking the value and sacredness of the matrimonial union, only shedding light on the fact that there are other things to work towards and be proud of.

Times have changed drastically from when our grandparents were dating. Back then, it was the norm to marry young and fast, starting families and building from scratch. The economy was much better and good paying wages made it feasible for the husband to work while the wife tended to the home and children. The flip side to this was many of these wives were solely dependent on their husbands for everything from finances to survival. This created an unequal balance of power, leaving many women with very few options to leave even if she desperately desired to do so.

” … but that doesn’t mean we devalue marriage. The dynamics have changed from a need to a want. “

Women of today are competing and occasionally excelling beyond our male partners. We are no longer dependent on men for survival, but that doesn’t mean we devalue marriage. The dynamics have changed from a need to a want. I look at marriage as a lifetime partnership that has many sectors under its umbrella. Not only are we lovers, but best friends, business partners, supporters and cheerleaders who will share the responsibility of raising a family and leaving a legacy for your children and grandchildren to build upon.

Your single season is supposed to be the time where you heal, rebuild and truly reconnect with yourself. This is where you discover who you truly are without any outside interference. The single season is when you are truly free to live on your own terms and the optimal time when you should act on your curiosity. You may discover you have a love for wine festivals, reading, traveling or whatever your into. We all handle this process differently and in a multitude of ways but the fact that someone is taking time to heal and grow before bringing past baggage into another relationship should be encouraged. Hurt people hurt people and the only way to break that cycle is to recognize the reason behind our own toxic behavior and heal. Some of us come out stronger and better prepared for our next relationship and others may come out feeling like long term relationships or marriage is not for them. Everything isn’t for everyone and that’s worth respectfully acknowledging.

I’ve noticed among women there is sometimes a condescending tone from married women towards single women and I never understood why. While marriage is definitely something to be proud of, your relationship status is no stipulation of progress of a good life if that’s all you have to show for it. Have we all not seen the divorce statistics lately? The divorce rate is high as hell and more likely to happen the younger you marry.

” We love to preach about being equally yoked but that extends much further than finances. “

Marriage traditionally was a business partnership. It was only in the last few generations that we have adapted to marrying for love. Love should be present whenever marriage discussions are underway, but we cannot forget about the business and character aspects of the people we love so much. Love alone will not foster a good marriage nor will it raise a family. We love to preach about being equally yoked but that extends much further than finances. Is this person also satisfying me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually as well? These are some of the things I ask myself because I want something that will stand the test of time. I’m very aware that even with the most planning, things still can go wrong but that’s no reason not to prepare and aim for the best.

Your relationship status doesn’t speak for your entire life. We should be proud of the things we accomplish on our own with education, work, entrepreneurship, traveling the world and beyond. Changing this narrative will require honest discussions and open minds to hear, understand and respect perspectives different from our own. This includes checking our judgement and the root of our opinions. The beautiful thing about life is that we all coexist but have totally different realities. What may work for me may not work for the next person and that’s ok! The emphasis should be put on the fact that we are indeed different, which means our goals, aspirations and actions will be different and the respect for our own worlds should be given freely. What are your views on the single season? Do you think a stigma on unwed older women still exists? Let me know your thoughts and opinions!

Be Mindful Of The Company You Keep

I had every intention this week on writing about happiness being an inside job but the energy I’ve felt this week has led me a different direction. This message has been heavy on my heart the last few days. The world lost an incredibly great man this week. Nipsey Hustle was much more than a rapper. He was a man all about his family, his growth, but most importantly changing the narrative of his past and bridging his community. He was gunned down this week by a friend turned foe in the very same community he was uplifting. I couldn’t help but think about how sometimes the enemy isn’t a stranger watching you from a far.. the enemy is a sinister foe within your own circle.

Being mindful of the company you keep is our best defense from people who pretend to love us but mean us no good. Even then there still are no guarantees in life. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason and God doesn’t make mistakes. I know there is a bigger lesson here and maybe it has everything to do with the work he was engaged in and the legacy he leaves behind. Its a hard pill to swallow when you believe in the law of attraction and you watch someone do all the right things and the absolute worst happens to them. This is what devastates me most.

We have to become better at screening people and their intentions on a continuous basis. Even the longest of friendships can become your downfall when the motives change and sadly there usually aren’t any announcements when that change occurs. I’m blessed to have solid people around me, but there are also those few that I question. Some I’ve known forever and maintain a sort of loyalty to due to the years invested but I’ve noticed the energy and vibe has shifted and it doesnt always mesh with where I’m at in my life now. I protect my peace viciously so any threat to that is removed. My personal journey on ascending into the better version of me has exposed a lot of weak connections. Everyone isn’t meant to stand the test of time and continue the journey with you.

Changing and letting go is hard, its especially hard for me but I’m learning to be more objective about it and not take it so personal. Holding onto people not meant for you will cause you more harm than good. It saddens me when people have such low communication and conflict resolution skills that you resort to violence, destroying their family, your own and the community you call home. We are living in a wicked world and sometimes I worry having to raise my child in this chaos. My daughter and I had our first bully situation last year from a girl she called her best friend for several years and my daughter was devastated. I will always teach my child to lead by morals and values, to treat others how she wants to be treated, but that’s only one part. I have absolutely no control of how her peers are raised. Bullying is such a huge issue in our schools, to the point where children are taking their own lives. I teach my child to stand up for herself and to be aware of the behaviors and actions of others and to stand firm in what she knows is right. I am teaching her young what I learned late and that’s to never be afraid to walk away from someone that violates her values.

This is the best time to start leading by example. Be the change you wish to see and show others its possible with your actions. We have more power than we realize. Although I wish this world were more peaceful and everyone got along, it just isn’t reality all the time and we must prepare and protect ourselves. I am angered by the senseless way Nipsey lost his life, but lets not make it in vain. Continue to do the work he started but in your own community. He definitely planted the seed.

8 Self- Care Tips To Help You Spring Forward

With the end of March coming to a end, its evident that Spring is finally here! Self care is something we should be practicing on the regular. The beauty in this is that our self care methods are unique to each individual so there is no right or wrong way to take care of yourself as long as you are happy. Here is my list on what I do when to keep myself up and in optimal spirits.

1. Read A New Book. Reading has always been a personal pleasure of mine. I recently read “Believe” by Michelle Obama and it was one of the best books I’ve read. So much insight and wisdom. I love reading other people’s stories and their advice and thinking of how I can relate it to my own life. I have a love for multiple genres ranging from fiction, drama, self help, enlightenment and history. Its a nice escape into an unfamiliar story different from your own with a nice cup or tea or a mixed drink depending on my mood lol. My new book for this Spring will be “We’re Going To Need More Wine” by Gabrielle Union.

2. Spring Clean Your Home. I don’t know about you, but I feel most relaxed laying down with my feet up and incense burning knowing that my house is clean and I have no chores to do. Spring is the best time to clean out those cob webs and get your home in order! Depending on your space, this can seem daunting but I always stress one thing at a time, or in this case, room at a time. I like to take my time starting top from bottom, clearing all dust, clutter and junk that serves no purpose. This is also when I like to redecorate and change my space. Small tweaks can make a room feel brand new.

3. Join A Gym Or Work Out At Home- They say Summer bodies are made in the Winter but that doesn’t mean Spring workouts cant help you get in shape for the Summer. The main thing here is consistency. We all want to look great in our bathing suits, but there are sacrifices to be made if you are anything like me and took eating comfort food this winter to heart. I have a personal challenge to lose 8 pounds by May 1. I personally use both methods to workout, preferring weight lifting at the gym 3 days a week and HIIT cardio at home 2 times a week. HIIT (High intensity interval training) is cardio gold. Youtube is my best friend for finding some great home workouts to do.

4. Plan A Vacation. Secretly I am always planning a vacation in my mind. Travel is my hearts joy and I try to go somewhere as often as I can. All work and no play isn’t good for anyone. Its easy to get swamped with life, our families and our jobs, but time away to recharge is essential for optimal peace of mind. While I’m sure many of us would love to sail across the world, it may not be that simple. Road trips are my second alternative if I want to get away but maybe for not as far or as long as a Caribbean retreat. Its nothing for me to hop in the car and drive. Its even better if your job offers discounts on rentals if your traveling a good distance. Save your mileage!

5. Get Creative. Tapping into my creative side always brings me peace. I’ve discovered that I love painting, re-purposing furniture, DIY projects, gardening, writing poetry, wine and music festivals, trying new recipes to cook, yoga, blogging, museums, aquariums and theme parks among others! I love trying new things and this is how I discovered my love for the many hobbies I have. Having productive hobbies is how you keep in touch with what makes you happy and maintain your identity. Having your own interests ensures you can always find something to occupy your time.

6. Meditation and Journalism. Meditation has been a game changer in terms of quieting the mind. I often feel like I have 20 different tabs open in my mind with something complete different on each one. We underestimate the power of the mind and all of things its capable of. To be still and quiet while observing your thoughts but not attaching yourself to them is the key. Our reality is shaped by the very thoughts we have and our perception is based on that. Meditating has given me a sense of calm tranquility. Keeping a journal handy to jot down your thoughts is a good way to get things off your mind. Its easier for me to write down how I’m feeling and I prefer it this way because I can come back to it and reflect on it. Sometimes our thoughts are clouded by every day life and this is a great release.

7. Schedule Me Time Often. This is one that took me some time to really start. As a mom, its hard to get away and when I could, I sometimes felt guilty for leaving my little one. I had to come to the realization that a few hours away would not hurt and when I am my happiest and my best self, I’m a better mom for her. This change in perspective has opened doors to still allow me to be myself outside of the many roles I fill. I make it a habit to go to a happy hour or brunch at least once a week, indulge in bubble baths, massages, manicures/pedicures, ect. I make sure to have plenty of hobbies and other things to turn to that bring me joy.

8. Get Outside! This may seem cliche, but the sun and fresh air really does the body good! Sometimes we need to unplug and just go observe the world around you. There is so much beauty in watching nature come alive during Spring. I love being around water and going to the beach to meditate and practice grounding. Its something about the water that rushing up your legs with a slight breeze that just makes me happy, maybe its the Pisces in me.

These are some of my go-to things I do when I feel I need that self love pick me up. Is self care something you practice regularly? What are some ways you like to practice self care? Let me know down below!

Accountability


Happy Thursday!! Today is the last day of February and I have no idea where the time is going! While I am extra excited to see March (Pisces season!), I couldn’t let this day go by without acknowledging all of the black history posts and celebrations I’ve seen all month! This has not been lost on me, if we are Facebook friends you are well aware of this lol. Black history should be celebrated often so it doesn’t stop at the end of February. Accountability is word I’ve seen thrown around a lot lately from everything politics, history, the economy, relationships and so on so what does this all really mean?

Accountability is defined as the fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility

dictionary.com

Accountability is as simple as accepting responsibility for the things that you do and don’t do. AKA owning your shit in Mimi’s terms. Its being able to acknowledge both the good and bad behaviors within yourself and society as a whole. Change cannot occur when one will not accept the issue as truth. It requires a humble humility to admit that you have faults and may be the cause of some of the negative things in your life. It requires patience, understanding and forgiveness to accept your toxic traits, explore the root reason behind why you connected with them and make a conscious effort to change for the better. This isn’t easy, especially when habits are years old and can be tough to break. Maintaining your accountability means to keep on doing the right thing no matter how strong the wrong things pull at you. This is a trait universal to several areas in our lives. How can you truly be a good parent if you aren’t accountable? How can you be a dependable boss or employee if your word means nothing? I remember as a child, my Great Grandma Sis had a favorite saying and it was one I never forgot.

Sorry ain’t worth is damn

As a 8 or 9 year old child I thought it was the funniest thing in the world to hear her cuss in her southern Louisiana accent, but I didn’t really understand what she meant. As an adult, I often think back to that and smile to myself, knowing that now I fully comprehend what she meant. And I stand firmly behind it. Sorry means nothing without changed behavior. Its just lip service and creates a cast of bullshit surrounding the one who is “always sorry” but keeps doing the same thing.

Accountability is pivotal in the dating arena. While its easy to blame our ex’s for the demise of past relationships, we have to look at how our behavior played a part. Every man/woman isn’t the same and shouldn’t be treated the same. Its our responsibility to properly heal in-between relationships and take control of our happiness. No one is responsible for that except us. While others may contribute to our happiness, they should never be the source of it. Source should always come from you first.

When you practice accountability, you take charge and control of the direction your life will go. The thing about change is we don’t get to see physical results and that’s what makes it hard. We should expect our leaders to set the tone when confronting difficult issues. It leads by example for those around us to also stand up and do the right thing. Someone has the set the example and abide by it! Life as we know it sometimes resembles reality tv because we don’t have many honest, authentic leaders who truly guide by the principles of putting the people first.

Lets be real, most people would rather hold everyone else accountable and avoid themselves. Our society is in the business of doing things so that people like you and practicing accountability is the exact opposite of that. Its calling out those failed goals, toxic behavior and horrible spending habits. Its knowing when to rock the boat and not being afraid to express tough love or make hard business decisions. Its making sure to stay on top of our children’s well being and monitor their grades, behavior and influences. Its not cute nor acceptable to watch a smart mouth child cuss or disrespect their parents or teachers. It all starts at home and your child is a direct representation of you. Its nice to be friendly, but not to the point of you the parent being run by your child and you hold no authority to them.

Our job is to raise our children and keep them in line so that they grow up to be respectable adults. That involves punishing bad behavior, bad grades, not following directions, ect. but most importantly leading by example! Its not the teachers job or responsibility to do these things. Its easy to turn on a movie to get a little quiet time or hand over our phones for YouTube. We have to be accountable in making sure the content they view is age appropriate and doesn’t contain inappropriate material. The social media frenzy about this “Mow Mow” character is an eerie reminder of that. This creepy looking lady has been exposed on Youtube, popping up half way through kids videos encouraging them to harm themselves and their families. While this isn’t said to scare anyone, it is a major reminder that sometimes us parents don’t fully check what they are watching as often as we should. We blindly take for granted that people wouldn’t harm children and sadly that’s just not realistic all of the time. This drives the entire point of this post home.

Your word means nothing if people cant trust it to be dependable. We should all strive to be more accountable in our lives and help those around us adapt this behavior. All it takes is one leader to spark the change.

You Can’t Pour From An Empty Cup

Today is the last day of January and I cant believe how fast the month went! I know I said this weeks post would be about love languages, but with Valentines day around the corner, I figured that would be more fitting for the occasion. Learn to expect the unexpected from me, things can change fast but all for the better good!

Abundance is when our cups run over, but what happens when your cup is empty? A burn out is most likely on the horizon. Achieving balance here can be tricky sometimes but ensuring your cup never gets too low is crucial for healing and maintaining self care. Its too easy to pour all of yourself into your loved ones and don’t get me wrong your heart is certainly in the right place, but realistically no one can sustain like that forever. To be a giving person is a blessing, but over exerting yourself will leave nothing else inside for you. The cup is supposed to represent you. When its empty, you cant give the things you need to give to your kids, family or community. Our cups become empty when there is nothing being poured back into us or we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to practice real self care. You cant have the drive and passion for everything else in your life and neglect to pour that magic back into yourself. YOU are the most important project you will ever work on. When you are operating are optimum levels, you are better able to give and serve those around you without becoming depleted yourself. Learn to work smarter not harder.

This is a good example outside of financial reasons of why we need equally yoked relationships. You cannot be the only one pouring from your cup, depleting yourself while that love isn’t reciprocated. We should surround ourselves with people who also help us, look out for and pour back into us. This is not just limited to romantic relationships either, this also applies for friendships, business relationships and such. We also have to make sure that we are open to receiving help, we cant be too busy and ignore or neglect the people who want to assist us. Even if it isn’t intentional, just be mindful of it. Accept help when it is offered and know that you don’t have to carry the burden of the world alone. This is something I’m actively working on.

Its ok to take breaks, or have alone time. Many times we feel guilty for not giving ourselves a break when there are more important things that require our attention, but this train of thought has to end. I am a much better parent if I’ve given myself time to collect my thoughts and improve my mood from a long day at work. Its easy to get annoyed at little things when we are already stressed from the day and we do not want to take it out on those closest to us. That’s exactly what we are trying to avoid and replace with better practices. We are human though, sometimes we may slip and have a moment but remember to forgive yourself and keep trying. We should be mindful to what our limits and triggers are and how long it takes us to reach them. Empty cups are detrimental to everyone around us and takes much longer to fix than catching it before it gets that bad. Its having practices in place to prevent problems before they arise.

To combat having an empty cup, self care practices can be ideal. You can develop a self care plan or list that has things to do that bring you peace when needed. It really is up to you and what you like but my list includes:

  • bubble baths
  • journaling
  • meditation
  • going to the gym
  • retail therapy
  • 30 minutes of decompress time after work before jumping into mom mode
  • scheduling weekly date nights, happy hours or brunch dates with friends
  • chocolate and wine of course lol.
  • Pictured below another list of ideas that cost you absolutely nothing so no excuse!

For those unable to squeeze in time after work, there are the night owl hours after everyone has gone to bed for the night, or the early bird rising before everyone else to enjoy the sunrise and a cup of coffee in silence. There are plenty of ways to achieve the time, its taking the steps to actually do it and not giving into excuses. Prioritize yourself into those busy to do lists and make sure your cup is taken care of

Growing Pains

GROWING PAINS

Growth should come with a warning label:

“🗣Caution, painful times ahead!”

Sounds like we should run for the hills huh lol, don’t leave just yet. Life is sometimes a roller coaster ride full of sharp turns, being in over your head and painful experiences. The saying is growth is not found in comfort and that’s the absolute truth. Growth can hurt and change is uncomfortable but if you can hold tight til the end, you’ll learn that the journey was necessary and you’ll appreciate all you’ve endured to get there.

Growing pains come in many forms. It’s a part of life that has to be accepted to live fully with the least amount of resistance. Instead of looking at it as a bad thing, learn to flip your perspective into how can this help me grow? What can I learn from this? This simple fix is the start to accepting what life throws your way and handling it in the best way possible.

Building and sticking to a new fitness and nutrition regimen is a growing pain when you aren’t used to working out and eating right. I began my fitness journey in December 2017 and the hardest thing for me was remaining consistent and pushing myself on the days I didn’t feel like sticking to the plan. Some weeks were better than others but I kept going. Here it is over a year later and I am still pushing to be the most fit I’ve ever been in my adult life. Backslides happen, things come up and sometimes there just isn’t enough time in the day. It is easier for me to jump back on track because I’ve stayed with it for so long. This is no longer a pain for me, but a necessary part of self love.

Outgrowing destructive behaviors and relationships are growing pains. Many people will give the excuse for bad behavior as “that’s just how I am”. WRONG, that’s how you CHOOSE to be. We are in complete control of ourselves at all times and certain behaviors or traits can be replaced with better ones, but this requires attentiveness and work. Too many people don’t want to put the work in and expect good results and life does not work this way. More people need to understand that internal work is just as important as any other achievement you seek, even more if I’m being honest. Even when it comes to relationships, many times we tend to get into them without fully knowing the person your opening your life up to. People will remain in bad relationships for the sake of comfort and I will be the first to tell you that I have been there. I was once that girl, but as a grown woman this is no longer acceptable. Every relationship isn’t meant to last a lifetime and discernment is so necessary to recognize when that season is up. Growing pains is sometimes leaving situations that no longer serve you. Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us things and that’s it! We aren’t meant to hold on to them, but yet we do for fear of be alone. Being single or alone is not a bad thing and I wish society would change that narrative. It is much better to work on self than to hop from one meaningless relationship to another. That fear of being alone has to be addressed and you can’t avoid it forever. How can you expect other people to enjoy your company when you don’t even enjoy your own?

Building and sticking to a budget is a growing pain for those who aren’t so accountable with finances or those looking to make a financial change in their life. Especially in today’s economy, financial responsibility is a must. Many of us are only a paycheck away from being homeless and while budgeting, meal prepping and couponing doesn’t seem like it will help or be much fun, they are tactics to help you become more wise with where your money goes. The money saved can go towards outstanding debt, savings or college plans for children, investments, ect. Operation financial freedom is the # 1 goal I have right now and it was a hard adjustment to make but that didn’t stop me because I know my end goals and this is a major catalyst to achieving them. You know your on the right track when you resist reckless spending and think more long term and not just for the moment.

These are just a few examples of how we experience growing pains. Change is inevitable and it is wise to alter the way we think about it. Change is always an opportunity for growth. What good is the knowledge we collect along our way if we don’t apply it and put it to use? Something to think about

A letter to my 20 year old self

As the end of 2018 gets closer, I took some time to reflect on my major milestone, the year of the big 3-0! Turning 30 made me think back on the decade I was now leaving behind and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. To say I had my share of challenges is an understatement!! But many would never know it. I am such a private person, so my battles were always silent. But these lessons are too valuable not to share. Thinking back on what I would tell my 20 year old self, I decided to write a letter.

You did not recognize your own strength and resiliency! Oh if only I knew then what I know now, things would of been so different. But our journey has no mistakes in the lessons meant for us. I would start off by telling you not to worry so much. Live your life for YOU and find all the things you love, no matter how strange or weird they may be. This is what separates you from others and makes you unique. Be decisive, assertive and stand firm in your boundaries. That man your stressing over will become a distant memory, save your energy. Never sacrifice your happiness for someone else. You deserve to be happy too. Put yourself first but be considerate always. Your peace and happiness is YOUR responsibility, do not take that lightly and protect it often.

Rejection or a direct NO can sting and cause pain when your heart is set on something but this can be a hidden blessing. Sometimes what you THINK you want is the worst for you in the long run. Learn to recognize this as a blessing in disguise! There is always something to be learned from every situation and person we encounter. Continue to be observant and pay attention.

This one here is crucial, DON’T BECOME WHO HURT YOU. Read that line as many times as you need to for it to sink in. Revenge feels nice (evilly satisfying if I’m being honest) but its best to feel it, own it, learn from it and let it go! Don’t avoid this part. Suppressed feelings have a way of manifesting in other areas of your life when ignored. Don’t be afraid to start over, change is good sometimes even when you don’t know the end result right away. As a perfectionist, Chill TF out sometimes and just ride the wave! Everything has a way of working out. Understand what you bring to the table and never be afraid to leave if your taken for granted or unappreciated. There are other tables out here, you can even go a step further and create your own. Never settle and don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to either. There is so much of the world you still haven’t seen, travel travel TRAVEL! Save your sick days for that lol

Focus on your goals and update them often. Let no one distract you from this. Those meant to be in your life will be there regardless, focus more on them than the people you have to fight to stay. If someone wants to leave, open the door for them, wish them well, then get back to your own life. Your friendship is not a revolving door, lock it once closed. There are still people who love and adore you! Silence really is golden and sometimes is the best answer. Easier said than done but can easily be achieved with practice and consistency.

Becoming a mother, a single mother at that is one of the hardest jobs you will ever have, but you’ve done a wonderful job despite everything stacked against you! Your determination is unmatched, you never let anything stop you to include graduating college MAGNA CUM LAUDE. Pat yourself on the back more often, you’ve earned it! Celebrate your own victories the same way you do others. Continue to lead your own path with your morals and principals guiding your way. It may not feel like it, but people do and will notice your authenticity and will love you for it, especially in a world programmed to follow the same trends. Those are the people you need to keep around. Don’t lose what makes you, YOU. Get out of that shell! There is so much more depth to you than people realize, show it off, let good people in and be proud! Own every bit of who you are and keep getting better. Self reflect often.. and make the necessary changes. Don’t make excuses for shitty behavior and decisions. You must take accountability for your yourself, and apologize when necessary. Check your ego, the world owes you nothing.

Last but most importantly, forgive often, but you are under no obligation to keep people in your life! It’s OK to forgive and still cut ties with people who have wronged you. The person who will need your forgiveness the most is YOURSELF… be generous and learn to forgive fully and honestly. It is a good thing to have high expectations of yourself and others but leave room for mistakes. Learning from them is how you will grow ❤

30 IS the new 20 ❤

What does it mean to self reflect?

The ability to stop and check yourself is one of the best qualities to have. None of us are perfect, we are all a constant work in progress.

Self reflection is holding a mirror up to your own flaws, bad habits and toxic behaviors. It about being able to recognize your own short comings and do something about it.

This is growth! This is how we expand and see things from different perspectives and gain a more opened minded view. Introspective maintenance should be practiced regularly to be your best.

It takes consistent practice to become more self aware of our flaws and extremely brave to face them! We all have the capability to realign ourselves at any moment.

Are there some flaws you know you need to work on? Others you aren’t so aware of? Comment below and let me know 💙