As the end of 2018 gets closer, I took some time to reflect on my major milestone, the year of the big 3-0! Turning 30 made me think back on the decade I was now leaving behind and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. To say I had my share of challenges is an understatement!! But many would never know it. I am such a private person, so my battles were always silent. But these lessons are too valuable not to share. Thinking back on what I would tell my 20 year old self, I decided to write a letter.
You did not recognize your own strength and resiliency! Oh if only I knew then what I know now, things would of been so different. But our journey has no mistakes in the lessons meant for us. I would start off by telling you not to worry so much. Live your life for YOU and find all the things you love, no matter how strange or weird they may be. This is what separates you from others and makes you unique. Be decisive, assertive and stand firm in your boundaries. That man your stressing over will become a distant memory, save your energy. Never sacrifice your happiness for someone else. You deserve to be happy too. Put yourself first but be considerate always. Your peace and happiness is YOUR responsibility, do not take that lightly and protect it often.
Rejection or a direct NO can sting and cause pain when your heart is set on something but this can be a hidden blessing. Sometimes what you THINK you want is the worst for you in the long run. Learn to recognize this as a blessing in disguise! There is always something to be learned from every situation and person we encounter. Continue to be observant and pay attention.
This one here is crucial, DON’T BECOME WHO HURT YOU. Read that line as many times as you need to for it to sink in. Revenge feels nice (evilly satisfying if I’m being honest) but its best to feel it, own it, learn from it and let it go! Don’t avoid this part. Suppressed feelings have a way of manifesting in other areas of your life when ignored. Don’t be afraid to start over, change is good sometimes even when you don’t know the end result right away. As a perfectionist, Chill TF out sometimes and just ride the wave! Everything has a way of working out. Understand what you bring to the table and never be afraid to leave if your taken for granted or unappreciated. There are other tables out here, you can even go a step further and create your own. Never settle and don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to either. There is so much of the world you still haven’t seen, travel travel TRAVEL! Save your sick days for that lol
Focus on your goals and update them often. Let no one distract you from this. Those meant to be in your life will be there regardless, focus more on them than the people you have to fight to stay. If someone wants to leave, open the door for them, wish them well, then get back to your own life. Your friendship is not a revolving door, lock it once closed. There are still people who love and adore you! Silence really is golden and sometimes is the best answer. Easier said than done but can easily be achieved with practice and consistency.
Becoming a mother, a single mother at that is one of the hardest jobs you will ever have, but you’ve done a wonderful job despite everything stacked against you! Your determination is unmatched, you never let anything stop you to include graduating college MAGNA CUM LAUDE. Pat yourself on the back more often, you’ve earned it! Celebrate your own victories the same way you do others. Continue to lead your own path with your morals and principals guiding your way. It may not feel like it, but people do and will notice your authenticity and will love you for it, especially in a world programmed to follow the same trends. Those are the people you need to keep around. Don’t lose what makes you, YOU. Get out of that shell! There is so much more depth to you than people realize, show it off, let good people in and be proud! Own every bit of who you are and keep getting better. Self reflect often.. and make the necessary changes. Don’t make excuses for shitty behavior and decisions. You must take accountability for your yourself, and apologize when necessary. Check your ego, the world owes you nothing.
Last but most importantly, forgive often, but you are under no obligation to keep people in your life! It’s OK to forgive and still cut ties with people who have wronged you. The person who will need your forgiveness the most is YOURSELF… be generous and learn to forgive fully and honestly. It is a good thing to have high expectations of yourself and others but leave room for mistakes. Learning from them is how you will grow ❤
30 IS the new 20 ❤