Tag Archives: Authenticity

Accountability


Happy Thursday!! Today is the last day of February and I have no idea where the time is going! While I am extra excited to see March (Pisces season!), I couldn’t let this day go by without acknowledging all of the black history posts and celebrations I’ve seen all month! This has not been lost on me, if we are Facebook friends you are well aware of this lol. Black history should be celebrated often so it doesn’t stop at the end of February. Accountability is word I’ve seen thrown around a lot lately from everything politics, history, the economy, relationships and so on so what does this all really mean?

Accountability is defined as the fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility

dictionary.com

Accountability is as simple as accepting responsibility for the things that you do and don’t do. AKA owning your shit in Mimi’s terms. Its being able to acknowledge both the good and bad behaviors within yourself and society as a whole. Change cannot occur when one will not accept the issue as truth. It requires a humble humility to admit that you have faults and may be the cause of some of the negative things in your life. It requires patience, understanding and forgiveness to accept your toxic traits, explore the root reason behind why you connected with them and make a conscious effort to change for the better. This isn’t easy, especially when habits are years old and can be tough to break. Maintaining your accountability means to keep on doing the right thing no matter how strong the wrong things pull at you. This is a trait universal to several areas in our lives. How can you truly be a good parent if you aren’t accountable? How can you be a dependable boss or employee if your word means nothing? I remember as a child, my Great Grandma Sis had a favorite saying and it was one I never forgot.

Sorry ain’t worth is damn

As a 8 or 9 year old child I thought it was the funniest thing in the world to hear her cuss in her southern Louisiana accent, but I didn’t really understand what she meant. As an adult, I often think back to that and smile to myself, knowing that now I fully comprehend what she meant. And I stand firmly behind it. Sorry means nothing without changed behavior. Its just lip service and creates a cast of bullshit surrounding the one who is “always sorry” but keeps doing the same thing.

Accountability is pivotal in the dating arena. While its easy to blame our ex’s for the demise of past relationships, we have to look at how our behavior played a part. Every man/woman isn’t the same and shouldn’t be treated the same. Its our responsibility to properly heal in-between relationships and take control of our happiness. No one is responsible for that except us. While others may contribute to our happiness, they should never be the source of it. Source should always come from you first.

When you practice accountability, you take charge and control of the direction your life will go. The thing about change is we don’t get to see physical results and that’s what makes it hard. We should expect our leaders to set the tone when confronting difficult issues. It leads by example for those around us to also stand up and do the right thing. Someone has the set the example and abide by it! Life as we know it sometimes resembles reality tv because we don’t have many honest, authentic leaders who truly guide by the principles of putting the people first.

Lets be real, most people would rather hold everyone else accountable and avoid themselves. Our society is in the business of doing things so that people like you and practicing accountability is the exact opposite of that. Its calling out those failed goals, toxic behavior and horrible spending habits. Its knowing when to rock the boat and not being afraid to express tough love or make hard business decisions. Its making sure to stay on top of our children’s well being and monitor their grades, behavior and influences. Its not cute nor acceptable to watch a smart mouth child cuss or disrespect their parents or teachers. It all starts at home and your child is a direct representation of you. Its nice to be friendly, but not to the point of you the parent being run by your child and you hold no authority to them.

Our job is to raise our children and keep them in line so that they grow up to be respectable adults. That involves punishing bad behavior, bad grades, not following directions, ect. but most importantly leading by example! Its not the teachers job or responsibility to do these things. Its easy to turn on a movie to get a little quiet time or hand over our phones for YouTube. We have to be accountable in making sure the content they view is age appropriate and doesn’t contain inappropriate material. The social media frenzy about this “Mow Mow” character is an eerie reminder of that. This creepy looking lady has been exposed on Youtube, popping up half way through kids videos encouraging them to harm themselves and their families. While this isn’t said to scare anyone, it is a major reminder that sometimes us parents don’t fully check what they are watching as often as we should. We blindly take for granted that people wouldn’t harm children and sadly that’s just not realistic all of the time. This drives the entire point of this post home.

Your word means nothing if people cant trust it to be dependable. We should all strive to be more accountable in our lives and help those around us adapt this behavior. All it takes is one leader to spark the change.

You Can’t Pour From An Empty Cup

Today is the last day of January and I cant believe how fast the month went! I know I said this weeks post would be about love languages, but with Valentines day around the corner, I figured that would be more fitting for the occasion. Learn to expect the unexpected from me, things can change fast but all for the better good!

Abundance is when our cups run over, but what happens when your cup is empty? A burn out is most likely on the horizon. Achieving balance here can be tricky sometimes but ensuring your cup never gets too low is crucial for healing and maintaining self care. Its too easy to pour all of yourself into your loved ones and don’t get me wrong your heart is certainly in the right place, but realistically no one can sustain like that forever. To be a giving person is a blessing, but over exerting yourself will leave nothing else inside for you. The cup is supposed to represent you. When its empty, you cant give the things you need to give to your kids, family or community. Our cups become empty when there is nothing being poured back into us or we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to practice real self care. You cant have the drive and passion for everything else in your life and neglect to pour that magic back into yourself. YOU are the most important project you will ever work on. When you are operating are optimum levels, you are better able to give and serve those around you without becoming depleted yourself. Learn to work smarter not harder.

This is a good example outside of financial reasons of why we need equally yoked relationships. You cannot be the only one pouring from your cup, depleting yourself while that love isn’t reciprocated. We should surround ourselves with people who also help us, look out for and pour back into us. This is not just limited to romantic relationships either, this also applies for friendships, business relationships and such. We also have to make sure that we are open to receiving help, we cant be too busy and ignore or neglect the people who want to assist us. Even if it isn’t intentional, just be mindful of it. Accept help when it is offered and know that you don’t have to carry the burden of the world alone. This is something I’m actively working on.

Its ok to take breaks, or have alone time. Many times we feel guilty for not giving ourselves a break when there are more important things that require our attention, but this train of thought has to end. I am a much better parent if I’ve given myself time to collect my thoughts and improve my mood from a long day at work. Its easy to get annoyed at little things when we are already stressed from the day and we do not want to take it out on those closest to us. That’s exactly what we are trying to avoid and replace with better practices. We are human though, sometimes we may slip and have a moment but remember to forgive yourself and keep trying. We should be mindful to what our limits and triggers are and how long it takes us to reach them. Empty cups are detrimental to everyone around us and takes much longer to fix than catching it before it gets that bad. Its having practices in place to prevent problems before they arise.

To combat having an empty cup, self care practices can be ideal. You can develop a self care plan or list that has things to do that bring you peace when needed. It really is up to you and what you like but my list includes:

  • bubble baths
  • journaling
  • meditation
  • going to the gym
  • retail therapy
  • 30 minutes of decompress time after work before jumping into mom mode
  • scheduling weekly date nights, happy hours or brunch dates with friends
  • chocolate and wine of course lol.
  • Pictured below another list of ideas that cost you absolutely nothing so no excuse!

For those unable to squeeze in time after work, there are the night owl hours after everyone has gone to bed for the night, or the early bird rising before everyone else to enjoy the sunrise and a cup of coffee in silence. There are plenty of ways to achieve the time, its taking the steps to actually do it and not giving into excuses. Prioritize yourself into those busy to do lists and make sure your cup is taken care of