Good morning and happy hump day! We are half way through the week and almost into Pisces season, today is exactly one month away from my birthday! With Valentine’s day tomorrow, I figured what better time than now to talk about Love Languages. In the season of all things love, gifts and quality time, its good to recognize that we don’t necessarily receive love in the same way. The love languages concept is based on the book “The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” by Gary Chapman. The purpose is to discover how you best give and receive love and to build stronger relationships. The five languages include Acts of Service, Words of affirmation, Receiving gifts, Quality time, and Physical Touch.
The Love languages quiz is a necessary self love and discovery tool to learn your own love language as well as how to best love your husband or wife, children ect.. I always see a huge emphasis on this in regards to personal relationships, but not so much for parent/child relationships. Loving our kids or parents the way they need to be loved is just as important! To love someone isn’t to love them the way we THINK they should be loved. To love someone is to learn all about their individuality and love them in the language they receive it best to be their highest self. Often times, we can rely on our own thoughts and feelings in regards to how we show love and assume that’s how everyone is. How we show love is not always received in the way we intend and that’s why taking the time to learn this is important. To achieve this is to learn your partner’s method of love, study it and master it. I’ll get into which love language I scored highest in as well as the others in the order personal to me. I think I kind of relate to them all to some extent lol, depending on the circumstances. I’m always outside the box, but thats what makes me unique. The link for the quiz is below!
Quality time is the language I scored highest in. I value personal, one-on-one time with my loved one to build and maintain our bond. I feel most loved when someone spends time with me and gives me their undivided attention. Likewise I also express love in the same manner. Intimacy plays a big part here for me, I have particular interest in the man bold enough to really explore my mind and what makes me, me. I like to explore the mind and thoughts of the man I’m with. As a sapiosexual, I am someone who is attracted to the intelligence of a man. I like to dig deeper than surface level discussions about life and everything in-between and get to know the soul inside, not the ego portrayed. Energy is everything to me and will introduce you before you’ve had a chance to open your mouth. I want to sit in your presence and experience the unexplained… something like observing the way you may scan a room before speaking or the constant stares I catch from you out of the corner of my eyes before blushing, your demeanor and tone or that random scent of your cologne. Even down to how comfortable I feel around you and the vibe that I get from our conversations and eye contact. I am very observant, so quality time to gauge chemistry is necessary for me to get a true feel for who I’m with. Its so much to soak in that the digital experience cant match. Not to say phone calls and video chats mean nothing, they definitely are the next best thing as we all have lives to get to. Cancelled dates, distractions and failure to listen are especially hurtful when done repeatedly. As long as the time spent is fulfilling, the want for quality time doesn’t have to be over excessive.
The second love language is Words of Affirmation. This love language focuses on written and verbal expressions of love and affection. I love receiving and giving complements. This one goes hand in hand with intimacy so I have a special place in my heart for words of affirmation. I like hearing how someone may feel about me and random notes of appreciation. I find that this has the ability to change my mood and uplift my spirits and make me want to go harder for my loved ones. Those who identify with this as their primary love language need to hear the words to connect with how they feel about you. On the flip side, insults can have an especially damaging effect. Your partner is not likely to forget hurtful things you’ve said and this will cause issues and can lead to the demise of the relationship. Telling your partner you love and appreciate them can go a very long way.
There is nothing quite like a long, shared embrace with the one you love. The second and third language was almost equal to each other in importance for me. I love bear hugs, cuddling during rainstorms or movies, holding hands, play fighting and other physical displays of affection. For me to fully come out of shell physically, I need the mental and emotional connection made during quality time to be in sync first. Nothing anyone says can be more meaningful than someone reaching out and hugging or touching you. Touch is a nonverbal que to express I love you and I’m here for you without saying a word. Physical contact is the expression of love by giving and receiving pleasure and ensuring sure your partner is satisfied. As with all types, the characteristics to avoid include physical abuse, giving the cold shoulder and avoiding physical contact. These behaviors are destroyers for this love type. Anxiety can arise when one becomes starved for touch and can grow aggravated. Healthy and wanted touch is how those with this love language feels most connected, safe and secure.
Gift giving isn’t always as grand as we tend to think it is. Whether its being surprised with a nice perfume or your favorite candy bar from a store run, we all like knowing we’re thought about. I enjoy edible gifts, but I also value things I can hold on to. These kind of gifts serve as a reminder that I’m always loved and thought about whenever I see it and takes me right back to that moment in time. As much as I love receiving gifts, I also like to surprise my loved ones in the same manner. I love the look on my daughters face when I’ve brought home something she loves. It makes me happy to see her face light up, even with something as simple as a $2 bag of hot fries. Its not about being materialistic or obsessing about the cost behind it. Missed birthdays, anniversaries and thoughtless gifts can cause your partner to feel insignificant, forgotten and unloved. Even if its something as simple as a hand written card or picked flowers, it really is about the thought and intention behind the action.
Acts of service is valued as those who take the initiative to get things done. The key here is to humbly serve and physically help out wherever necessary. Whether that’s doing housework, preparing dinner or maintaining the cars, these are a few examples on how acts of service is shown for this love language. The concept behind this language is to show love by donating your time and effort to easing the burden of responsibility. This language is looking for the action from your words and expect you to mean what you say and say what you mean. Broken commitments, not being dependable and laziness are turn offs and should be avoided. People with this primary love language will feel unloved and unappreciated when their loved ones don’t show a desire to help them keep things in order. Having your partner choose to put their time and energy towards you will make you light up with love and appreciation.
These are all very different expressions of love. Its makes you aware of what your partners needs and triggers are. It can be easy to assume someone doesn’t love you but it could very well be a case of not recognizing and understanding when love is being shown if their language differs from yours. This concept has also helped me to strengthen and better understand my relationships with my family and friends. When building a relationship, I aim for a genuine connection with longevity and this tool is helpful in creating stronger, lasting bonds. Here is the link for the quiz, take it and let me know your results and comments below!
This is the official link, which makes you create a profile https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
Here is another test to take without having to do all that jazz https://365tests.com/personality-tests/what-is-your-love-language/