Good afternoon and Happy Thursday! I took a bit of time to myself here recently to disconnect and do some introspective maintenance. I have definitely missed writing, but I needed to reconnect with my vision and where I was going. This journey to self love is a never ending, winding road that can occasionally produce a few bumps. Its all apart of the process! I wanted my blog post to reflect what I was currently doing and how I got here. Here are 10 things I’ve learned along the way.
1-Boundaries Boundaries BOUNDARIES! I had to put the extra emphasis here to imply how important this is. Your boundaries set the stage for what you will and will not allow from your loved ones and strangers alike. Now some of you may be wondering why this matters. Having weak boundaries will wreck havoc on your life because you will always be susceptible to the wants and needs of others, often neglecting your own. Boundaries are there to ensure your needs are met, your space isn’t violated and a show of confidence that you will only entertain respectful and pleasant interactions. A big part of enforcing this is saying what you mean and meaning what you say. You have to be unapologetic and firm if you want to be taken serious. Just as children can pick up when they can get over on their parents, your peers are the same way. If you don’t stand up for yourself, your sending the message that you and your wants don’t really matter. You absolutely matter and should conduct yourself in a way that speaks for you. Be accommodating but don’t let yourself get run over.
2- Be True To Yourself. This one varies by the individual but the message is still the same. Honor yourself by doing the things that resonate with you. Find what makes you happy and keep it close. Many times we play the part to fit in and it might work for a while but you will soon experience a sense of dissatisfaction in your life. We can’t live for other people and we shouldn’t have to endure that prison. Being true to you means saying no sometimes, it means listening to your body and making the best decisions for you despite what others think or say. This means being honest about our feelings and your desires in life. This is about honoring that soul inside that gives us life! Work and family is hard as hell to balance and sometimes responsibilities triumph our immediate wants and as bad as we want to do nothing, we can’t quite do that. I get it and experience this often, but I’ve learned to make up for it in other ways.
3- Regularly Scheduled Me Time! That’s right, this is absolutely necessary! This is how I keep myself happy, balanced and in order. Working hard is the key to success but burnouts are REAL and we don’t talk about them nearly enough. Some of us spend more time working than we do at home so we have to purposely step away and play hard sometimes too. While the amount of free time will vary depending on circumstance, I think we all can agree that getting out of house to unwind can do you a world of good! Whether its a happy hour, massage, brunch, a vacation, shopping or whatever it is you love, make sure to carve out that time just for you. When my daughter was younger, I used to feel guilty about leaving her with babysitters to enjoy myself. I started to notice when I did things to make me happy, I was naturally happier in other parts of my life as well and it tremendously eased the stress I was carrying all week. Find your happy and just do it!
4- Happiness Is An Inside Job! This is something I had to learn the hard way, but when I tell you the lesson stuck, it stuck big time. I’m naturally very observant and the societal norm has been to “find someone who makes you happy and live happily ever after.” This is so incorrect and leads me to wonder if this perception has anything to do with why the divorce rate is so high. The thing about life is we all have free will and putting your happiness in the hands of another is giving away too much control. We all want and desire love, we’re human and made for companionship, but to put the responsibility of your happiness on someone else is selfish and lazy. Only we have the power to decide our moods and temperaments and only we can change them. We mistake the influence others have on our happiness as them “making” us happy and that just isn’t the case. When you finally learn and accept that it all starts with you, I promise your perception will change. You become a force to be reckoned with because you aren’t easily swayed. When your happiness comes from within, no one can rob you of that unless you give the ok to do so. Take your power back!
5- Love Your Own Company! This is pretty self explanatory but I needed to emphasize this! How can you expect someone else to love and be up under you when you don’t love and want to be with yourself? There are many adults wondering through life, jumping from relationship to relationship, losing a piece of themselves with every new encounter. These actions reek of desperation and a fear of being alone. There is nothing to fear when alone, we cannot run from ourselves. I think the root of why people run from themselves is because they don’t want to address the person in the mirror and that’s a huge problem. Learning to love your own company is becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable feelings you may have. Its accepting every bit of yourself, the good and the bad. Its about accountability and owning up to the choices you’ve made in life. Once you reach full acceptance, you will notice that being alone isn’t bad at all. You might end up craving that sacred alone time.
6- Sisterhood Is Important! Your tribe has a huge influence on your vibe. Women are notorious for being catty, but what I see is a rise in sisterhood and I couldn’t be happier. When we can come together, support and uplift one another, we become a strong collective group. Support systems are everything in life and having your soul tribe near is priceless. We are not each others enemies or competition. There is more than enough for us all to get the bag. Everything isn’t a competition and we achieve our goals faster by working together. When we can show genuine love, respect, support and encouragement, we open the door to new potential relationships that can last a lifetime
7- Be Confident In Yourself and Your Journey. No two self love paths are the same. We may share similarities but our purpose is distinctly ours and sometimes it can get very lonely. Ascension and growth isn’t all love and light and it triggers you to break old beliefs. Stand firm in your power and trust the process. What is meant for you will never miss you and we have to learn to take comfort in that. We have to learn to truly be happy for others even when our time hasn’t come. Its easy to feel bitter or discouraged but these are NOT the emotions we want to manifest more of. Fake it til you make it if you have to, but get in the habit of genuinely being happy for those around you. Grateful and thankful feelings are the ingredients to manifesting our desires, it doesn’t hurt to cheer someone else along the way! I often times felt confused, lost, isolated and more walking this path but I didn’t give up and the growth and glow I’ve gained is the fruit of that labor. Seek help or advice if need be. None of us have all the answers. When I put my ego to the side, I humbled myself to seek and learn as much as I could. Nothing worth having comes easy, remember that always and keep going!
8- Your Perception is Your Reality. Isn’t it amazing to think about how two people can be in the same room, witness the same things but have totally different perceptions? Perception is objective because we all have our own and it is fueled by our thoughts. Our thoughts really do control our lives! What you focus on is what you will see more of. Many of us learned these lessons the hard way, but this one was the most profound for me. When you think negative of yourself, it shows and your energy is something that you cannot hide. This is hard to change but its not impossible.
9- Your Health is Your Wealth. This is something we take for granted far too often! We are only given one body in this life, so it makes sense to take care of it. Rising is age and increasing health issues isnt the time to focus on better habits. Making good habits early on increases the likelihood you will keep it up. Our society seems to focus on responding to problems rather than preventing them. There is a lot that goes on that the average person is unaware of, but its our job to be diligent. We all know that the best tasting foods are the absolute worst for us nutritionally and the numerous pesticides and chemicals injected is causing our health to decline. Its a viscous cycle we must break away from, but we have to first acknowledge it exists and have the sustainability to carry through change. If we can prioritize watching our favorite show with undivided attention, we can sacrifice as hour to exercising. Time management and motivation are crucial, you cant just talk about it you have to be about it.
10- Protect Your Peace! If I had to choose a favorite from this list, it would be this one! Peace of mind is priceless and its our job to filter out the bs. Protecting my peace means honoring being true to myself at all times. It means removing myself from people or places that threaten my peace. Basically, its how I keep the energy around me good. I only have control over myself and the energy I emit, and while I cant control others (not that I would want to) I can control your access to me. I was often times a person who never said no, despite my brain screaming the words internally. The things we see on the news, on social media and sometimes right in front of our very eyes are riddled with triggers. This world and the things that go on can easily make the happiest person depressed but that result serves no one. Be observant but heavily filter the information you take in and become familiar with your limits and unplug as necessary. Protect the peace and essence of your reality.
While I feel I could of kept going, this list is a pretty good start at what I still do to maintain myself while growing and learning. There are times that we are the teachers and the students and with an infinite amount of knowledge, that unlikely to change. How has your self love journey been and what has been your most prominent lessons? Let me know down below!